Next To You And In Front
by TerryJ
Summary: Set in the immediate aftermath of 2x05 and proceeding through 2x06. Will's reaction to his father's death, the days that follow and the people in his life. Starts angsty but ends in a giant fluffball.
1. Chapter 1

_The characters you recognize are not mine and I thank Mr. Sorkin for letting me play with them. _

_Rated because although I don't curse as heavily as they do in the show but there are some "adult" words._

_This starts immediately after the broadcast in 2x5._

_I hope you enjoy, thank you for reading._

* * *

Will's phone was to his ear the moment he left the desk and made a bee line to his office. He knew Mackenzie would be close behind but he hoped he could make it to the sanctuary and relative privacy of his office before he embarrassed himself further.

"I didn't expect you to call so soon." Caroline's voice was quiet on the other end of the line.

"I told you I'd call back as soon as the show was over. It's over now." Will could hear his sister's sigh on the other end of the line.

"I know, we watched. It's what they had on in the waiting room."

Will closed his eyes and hung his head. "Just now? Why are you still in the waiting room?"

"Believe it or not _William,_ when someone dies they don't just let you walk out the door with the body. There's paperwork and waiting for things to be processed and figuring out what to do next and whatever other bullshit. I don't know, Mark's here now, I've let him take over because I was going to smack the next person who gave me something to sign." Will slumped down into his chair.

"I'm sorry Caroline. You shouldn't have to deal with all of that."

"Really? I shouldn't? Who should then? Because somebody was going to have to and I was the only one here."

"Jesus, I..." His office door opened and he jerked around, unsurprised to see Mackenzie standing in the doorway. He pointed to the phone against his ear and hoped she'd back out but of course he could never count on her to do what he wanted and instead she stepped in fully, shutting the door behind her and sitting in one of the empty chairs. Giving her a momentary glare he turned his attention back to his phone.

"I'm sorry. Okay? What do you want from me right now? I'm sorry I'm in New York and you live in Waverly. I'm sorry that this happened now and not sometime when I was there. I'm sorry this happened at all! Damnit Caroline! I'm sorry." He balanced his elbows on his knees and tried to forget that Mackenzie was observing him from across the desk.

Caroline sighed, "No Will, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap, it's just...it's just not easy, you know?"

"Yeah..." he breathed into the phone.

There was a long pause before Caroline's voice came back, "How are you doing?"

Will sat back in his chair and shrugged despite knowing his sister couldn't see him, "Fine."

There was another audible sigh, "No you're not."

"Caroline..." Will put on his best casual voice but she cut him off.

"No. I saw the broadcast William. I saw you freeze. You can't lie to me. I know it's complicated, I know you may not be certain about what's in your head right now but don't think you can get away with lying to me."

He rolled his eyes but could not come up with a sufficient response so he remained silent.

Caroline broke the silence, "I was surprised you called. You know, before. On his phone."

Will closed his eyes and leaned back, "I told you, I was trying to leave a message for him."

"Yeah, that would have been nice. It was just surprising is all."

Without thought Will opened his eyes looked over at Mackenzie. "I had a little prodding." He conceded.

"Mackenzie?"

Will was thankful for the neutrality in Caroline's tone. His sister had reacted with unexpected vitriol when Will had mentioned how Mac was back in his life. She had relaxed a bit over the past 2 years as Will himself came to begrudgingly accept and appreciate Mackenzie again but Caroline still seemed obstinately unwilling to yield her dislike for his EP.

"Yeah. Of course." Will confirmed.

"I _wish_ she would stop meddling in places she doesn't belong. I don't understand why she can't understand what a professional boundary is." Caroline snapped.

This time it was Will's turn to sigh. "You just said it would have been nice."

"Yeah, nice of _you_ to call him only if that's what you really wanted to do. _She_ doesn't need to be pushing you to do anything, especially when it comes to stuff with Dad. She doesn't know William. She may think she does but she can't possibly understand, nobody can and I can't believe you're willing to let her keep pushing you around still. One of these days you'll realize how toxic it is and it's all going to fall to pieces and you're going to have no one around to help you put it back together again."

Will shook his head, "Are we back to me being in New York again? I thought we resolved this 2 whole minutes ago."

Caroline was quiet, "I just worry about you, Big Brother. And I miss you. Everything is better when you're around."

Will rubbed the back of his neck. "And I'm sorry I'm not. But I will be. I'll be on a plane first thing tomorrow morning."

"What about your show? The funeral won't be for a couple of days."

Will smirked, "Tomorrow is Saturday. I don't have to be here on weekends. If we have the funeral by Monday morning I can be back in time for Monday night's broadcast."

"Yeah, okay. Text me your flight info and one of us will come pick you up."

"Don't worry about it, I'll rent a car. I'll be at the farm by noon."

"Okay." Came his sister's tired reply.

"Love you, tell Mark the same and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow."

Will grimaced when the call came to an end. He considered for a moment pretending to extend the call so that maybe eventually Mackenzie would leave the room and he could get by without being smothered by her overwhelming empathy.

He caught her looking steadfast at him and canned the idea.

"You know you don't need to worry about being back in time for Monday's broadcast." She said immediately as he brought the phone away from his ear. "Or any broadcast next week. You should take whatever time you want without thinking about work."

Will didn't say anything but he smiled sadly at Mackenzie. He couldn't agree with his sister; despite his best efforts Mackenzie McHale would always be something special to him. Even if he wasn't willing to give voice to what his pot addled mind was willing to say he had become comfortable with admitting that Mac was his best friend. Yet, despite the warm feelings he had toward her and how he disagreed with his sister's objections, he did agree that she just couldn't understand.

"I don't want to take any time. The weekend will be enough." He replied, leveling her with the same unaffected stare he gave her right before the end of the broadcast.

Speaking of which...

"_What in God's name _was that about?!" Charlie came barging into the room.

Will remained his seat and watched with detached amusement when Mac jumped up and stood between Charlie and the desk.

"Charlie, please, it's okay..." she started and Will smirked while vaguely wondering how she was going to handle this.

"It's _okay_? 35 seconds of dead prime time air followed by a cryptic statement is _okay_ from the network's top anchor? If that's your definition of OK than I suggest you buy yourself a dictionary!"

Will stood up, intent on saving Mackenzie from herself and the awkwardness she was sure to create.

"Charlie, I'm sorry, I just froze for a minute because I just..." he stopped. The words weren't there, all his mind could conjure was the image his Dad showing him how to throw a proper pitch. He shook his head, "It just..." he looked at Charlie's not so patiently waiting face begin to slide into concern and Mackenzie's fixed look of empathy and he could hear his father asking him why he wouldn't be coming home for Christmas again last year. He swallowed away the memory, "I'm sorry, it's just that my..."

Why couldn't he say it? He was able to say it a few minutes ago to Mac. His eyes locked with her's and the tears she was triumphantly holding at bay.

He saw the image of his Dad, near tears at his mother's funeral. Heard the pride in his voice when he called to tell him Mark had a professorship at a local college. The smirk on his face when he met Mackenzie years ago and for once in his life, nodded his approval. Will felt as if had just been sucker-punched and was finding it difficult to breath. He let out a cough that sounded closer to a sob and looked away in shame as he dropped back into his chair. Why was it suddenly so hard to even think it?

Other images cropped up, images of times that had never happened; He and his Dad sitting on the porch and talking about why he had acted the way he had during Will's youth...Putting his broad hand on Will's shoulder and apologizing...talking about what he thought of the show, that he didn't think Will was wasting his life...Coming to Will's wedding in that same old tweed suite of his...Will introducing him to New York...Introducing him to his child...

Mackenzie was crouched in front of him in an instant, her hand on his arm grounded him and pulled him away from the slide show of 'what ifs' and 'will nevers' that had begun playing in fast forward through his mind.

"It's okay Billy. Cry or scream or blank out if you need to. It's okay. It really is. What ever you need to do or say...Charlie and I aren't going to judge you, we're just here for you."

Charlie tentatively stepped forward and in a softer voice than Will had imagined he could use, "Will. What's happened? Please tell me."

Will looked up with red, dry eyes and looked from Mackenzie to Charlie. The closest to family he had in a thousand mile radius and he found himself profoundly overwhelmed. It seemed like a long time before he could fully pull himself from his reflections and manage to choke out, "My dad died during the broadcast tonight."

Charlie stepped back with the revelation and Will focused on breathing steady. He felt Charlie's hand land solidly on his shoulder and give a comforting squeeze. "Do you want a drink?"

Will laughed harshly and met Charlie's eyes with his most cynical gaze,

"I wouldn't know how to drink it. Would I be sipping in mourning or tossing it back in celebration?"

Charlie blinked and hung his head at the comment and the office again fell silent.

Mackenzie broke the stillness, "I don't see why you shouldn't do both."

Will met her eyes for a long moment before a small, sad smile grew on his face. Perhaps she understood more than he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

A long time later Will was sprawled on one of the chairs in Charlie's office gazing in to the amber liquid in his glass and rambling to Charlie about the difference between small farm and big farm culture in Nebraska.

The older man was slumped in a chair on the other side of the table and emphatically agreeing with each point Will was making.

"They don't name any of their animals. Not even the dairy cows or breeding sows that they'll have for nearly 15 years. 15 years! After everything the very least they deserve is a name!"

"Those cold hearted bastards!"

"Yeah. And another thing about the damn big machines they run all night long..."

Mackenzie had long since tuned them out and was sitting at Charlie's computer and getting frustrated. She waited until Will had finished his rampage about the sound of industrial farming equipment ruining the stillness of the night and interrupted him before he could go on to lord knows what,

"Will!"

"Hrm?" He rocked his head over to look at her and from the way his eyes took a moment to follow she judged he was even more drunk than she had suspected.

"What's more important to you? Not sitting in coach or getting to the house when you said you were going to?"

He just looked at her; confused.

She sighed and spelled it out as one would address a child, "You need a plane ticket Billy. You told your sister you'd be there by noon tomorrow but the only direct flights from New York to Lincoln that land before noon don't have first class available. If you want first class you're not going to land until 1:15 which means you won't get to Elmwood until after 2. Even if you take coach the earliest you will get to the farm is 12:15. Nothing is landing before 11:20."

He just blinked at her, nonplussed.

"Will?"

"What?" he asked blankly.

"What do you want me to do?" She asked with forced patience.

"About what?"

Her forced patience wore off, "Sometimes I seriously think about pushing you out a window."

He frowned, "That doesn't sound like a very nice thing to say to an orphan. You're supposed to be nice to me, my father just died you know."

She closed her eyes and let out a long, slow breath. "I do know Billy, and I'm trying to be nice but you're drunk and making it difficult."

"I'm not drunk!" he objected, "I have the tolerance of 10 men!"

Mackenzie's eyebrows arched in amusement, "Really? You're not drunk? Prove it. Snap your fingers."

Will glared at her but brought up his hand next to his face and moved his fingers. When they were silent he looked at his fingertips as if they had just let him down and began focusing intensely on finding the magic movement that was a snap. When Mackenzie began to laugh at him he glared at her, "Whatever, so I have momentarily misplaced my ability to snap. So what? Anyway it was your idea that I drink."

"It wasn't mine, it was Charlie's." She clarified.

"You said I could toss it back and sip. You encouraged multiple drinks." He pointed accusingly.

"Okay, whatever, I'm bored of this game Billy; what do you want to do about your flight? Coach and arrive close to 12 or first class and after 2?" She leaned across the desk and locked onto his eyes.

He sighed heavily and rolled his head back. "I can't be late. I told her I'd be there before noon, I have to do that."

Mackenzie deflated, "I know Will but there isn't a whole lot by the way of early morning flights to Nebraska. Like I said the very earliest I can do is have you land by 11:20. By the time you get your luggage and pick up the car it's going to be after noon no matter what you do."

"I can't!" He yelled with sudden ferocity. "I told her noon and I can't let her down, not this weekend!"

Mackenzie bit her lip and looked in askance to Charlie who nodded and silently left the room.

She tried to let him sit in silence for a bit but she couldn't stand watching him just brood silently into his drink.

"She would understand if you just texted her and said you'd be there 20 minutes late. She knows you pulled noon out of thin air when you were talking with her."

Will sat forward, "She shouldn't have to." He whispered.

"I know." She quietly agreed.

He looked up at her and they maintained eye contact for a long, silent moment before Will broke it and looked at the floor, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. "This is so fucked up."

Mackenzie nodded, "Yep."

He looked around as if noticing for the first time they were alone, "Where's Charlie?"

"Working on plan B." Explained Mackenzie, "He'll be back soon I'm sure."

As if he had been waiting for his que Charlie ducked back in to the room and nodded to Mackenzie. "Yeah."

Will looked between his two colleagues, "Yeah? Yeah what? What was plan B?"

Charlie sat back down and picked up his glass. "Leona extends her sympathies and her jet will be warmed up and ready to take off from Laguardia at 7:30 tomorrow morning giving you plenty of time to land, rent a car and be with your family before 12."

Will gaped at Charlie. He looked at Mackenzie who smiled and shut off the computer in front of her. He turned back to Charlie and stammered, "I...don't even..." And it was as if the dam was released and the tears that had yet to fall finally escaped. He dropped his head into his hands and his shoulders shook with silent sobs.

Both Mac and Charlie exchanged shocked looks and moved from their places to situate themselves on either side of Will. Charlie placed a firm hand on his back and Mac pressed a cheek to his shoulder. They didn't say anything, just allowed him this moment.

Mac felt Will begin to shake his head. "What is it Billy? What can we do for you?"

His frame shook again, "I...don't know...I don't..."

Charlie looked over Will's hunched back to make bewildered eye contact with Mackenzie. "What don't you know Will?"

Will swallowed, composing himself before he picked up his head and looked at Charlie, "I don't understand how I deserve to be surrounded by such good people."

Charlie's fell from concern to one brimming with love as his heart broke for the man in front of him.

Tears gathered in Mackenzie's eyes and she answered for Charlie, "Just by being you Billy. Just by being you."

Charlie nodded, "You're a good man William Duncan Macavoy. You make people want to be able to help you."

Breathing deep Will straightened and wiped the tears from his face but his gaze fell back to the floor. "I think I need another drink." He half laughed, half choked.

Charlie smiled, "THAT I can do for you without a problem. Do we want to keep going at this bottle or try something a little different?"

Will smiled and twisted in his seat to peruse Charlie's bar.

As the two men were discussing the merits of the various scotch Will's phone buzzed and Mackenzie picked it up, eyebrows arching as she looked at the screen.

Will looked over to her, "I don't want to talk to anyone I'm not related to. Is it my sister?"

Mac shook her head, "No. It's Nina Howard. Why would she be calling you?"

Will sighed, "I..." finding it difficult to keep eye contact with Mac he let his eyes drop, "I can't talk to her right now."

"Okay." Mac bit her bottom lip then after a moment of hesitation she hit the answer button with resolution, "Hello?" Will stared at Mac, eyes wide.

"Oh, Um, Hi? Who is this? Mac?"

"Yes, Hi Nina. I'm sorry, I answered Will's phone for him."

There was a long pause on the other end, "Oh...well is he around? We were...um...supposed to meet up...I was just checking in on him."

Will was gesticulating wildly but Mackenzie turned away from him. "Well, yes, he's here but he's with Charlie at the moment."

"Oh...you're all still at work? Is something happening? I...I saw the end of tonight's show and I was wondering..."

Mac bit her lip, "Yes, well, there was..." She turned back to look at Will before she continued speaking, "There was a death in Will's family tonight so he's been sitting with Charlie. He is bloody well tanked up at this point and not really in a position to talk but didn't want you to think he was blowing you off so I picked up the phone for him. He's getting on a plane home first thing in the morning but I'll make sure he calls you before he leaves." Will had stopped moving and was sitting quietly watching Mackenzie.

"Oh...Oh my, well.. of course. I understand. Tell him...tell him no worries, just call me when he can and I'll see him when he gets back."

Mac nodded to the phone, "I will."

"And Mac?" Nina added, "Tell him I'm so very sorry."

"Of course."

"Thank you. Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight Nina." Mackenzie kept her eyes on the phone as she lowered it and clicked the red hang up button. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat before raising her gaze to meet Will's. "She said that she's very sorry, to call whenever you want to and she'll see you when you get back to New York."

"Mac...I..." Will's face was as confused as she'd ever seen him.

"I'm sorry I answered your phone Will." She cut him off, "But if you had let it go to voicemail that would have been bad for you. You never want to stand up your girlfriend on a Friday night and then not take her calls. That's bound to make her angry. So I'm sorry I answered the phone but trust me, it saved you a lot of grief later."

Will blinked his eyes and opened his mouth to speak but before he could Charlie lambasted, "You're dating _Nina Howard_?! Since _when_?"

Will turned back to Charlie and shrugged, "I mean dating is...it's...I don't know. A little while."

"Since September or October." Mac stated calmly.

Will turned back to her, agape. "You knew?"

"It's March!" shouted Charlie again. "How did _I_ not know?!"

Mac shrugged, "You're not as stealthy as you think you are. Did you really think that after 5 months of arriving late, leaving early and relative telephone silence that I wouldn't realize you had a girlfriend? I didn't know _who_ but I knew; of course I knew."

Will hung his head. "I didn't tell you because..."

Mac waved him off, "It doesn't matter Will. It really doesn't."

"It does to _me_!" again objected Charlie.

Mac smiled at the older man warmly and patted his arm. "It's okay Charlie; You're just less observant than I am."

He crossed his arms and huffed an angry grumble to himself.

She smiled and turned back to Will who was still staring at her looking lost. She tilted her head, "Come on now, finish your drink and then Charlie will bring you home so you can pack and be at the airport on time."

He nodded slowly and mechanically brought his glass to his lips, never breaking eye contact with her.

Mackenzie smiled and moved so she was next to him and could look him in the eyes, "I'm going to head out of here for now and I'll see you when you get back. Please feel free to take a few extra days; between Elliot and Sloan we can cover the show for however long you need, okay?"

He nodded mutely. She sighed and gave him a loose hug from her seated position, "It's going to be a tough weekend for you. Don't worry about being the strong one all the time. And you know my phone is always on, I will always be there for you, okay?"

He nodded again. She gave him a squeeze and then stood and walked to the door taking the time to give Charlie a pat and whisper "Take care of him tonight." before she was gone.

* * *

_A/N: I personally feel that Mac gets a bad rap and is occasionally portrayed as a weaker character than she is. So if you're wondering, yes, of course she is hurt and upset by the revelation that Will is with Nina but she knows her role at the moment is to be supportive of Will because she loves him and she's willing to quietly burden her own hurt in order to make sure he feels supported and loved; especially that night. _


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thank you for the reviews! I really appreciate them! I had this going in one direction and it was going to be pretty short after this, but then I realized that the episode where Will breaks up with Nina happens takes place less than a week after his father dies so I've decided I want to incorporate that which means everything got shaken up and this is going to be a slightly longer journey. Please stick with it, the last chapter is already drafted and I promise it ends well! _

* * *

Will and Charlie ended up staying up way too late and having way too much scotch. They took Charlie's car service to Will's apartment where Charlie called home and explained he'd be back after bringing Will to the airport in the morning.

Will didn't even bother to argue, just crawled into bed in hopes of sleeping away the evening's memories. Of course every time he closed his eyes he was assaulted with memories from the deep and recent past. Once he could stand without swaying he gave up on sleep and found himself packed, showered, dressed and nursing a rapidly cooling cup of coffee an hour before a bleary eyed Charlie exited the guest room.

"How'd you sleep?"

Will shrugged. "Are sleep and a drunken stupor the same thing?"

"No." Charlie shook his head and Will rolled his eyes.

"You ready to go?" The older man asked.

Will took a deep breath. "No. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to. The coffee in the pot should still be hot if you want to grab yourself a travel mug."

Charlie nodded, poured himself some coffee and followed Will out of the apartment.

When they were settled in the car Charlie finally asked what Will knew he had been holding on to all night, "So. Nina Howard? That's interesting."

Will rolled his head to look passively out the window. "Charlie..."

"No, I'm not passing any judgement here it's just a little curious is all."

"What's curious?" He made no effort to keep the annoyance out of his tone.

"Curious that you hid it from Mackenzie."

Will rolled his eyes and looked at Charlie, "Look, I never told Mackenzie I was dating someone because we are professionals and colleagues don't need to talk about each other's personal lives."

Charlie groaned, "Do you even believe that?"

Will slumped in his seat. Charlie shook his head, "I'm not saying you owe anything to her, I'm not even saying you're wrong to keep it quiet. But what I am saying is that you're full of it if you think that you and she are just colleagues and that's the reason you never said anything."

Will looked down at his fingers, "I know."

Charlie raised his eyebrows, "What was that?"

Will tilted his head to the side, searching for the right words, "I didn't tell Mac I was dating anyone because then she would have wanted to know who and we _are_ more than just colleagues, we are friends, close, _good_ friends and I care about her and Nina had once been writing stories that threatened to tear down everything we've worked hard to build including personal stories against Mac and I didn't want to dredge all that up for her."

Charlie nodded. "Admirable." He muttered.

"_What?_" Will turned back to Charlie.

"What, _What?_ I said it was admirable." Shrugged Charlie.

"But you didn't sound like you meant it."

"How do you know if I meant it?"

"I'm a reporter Charlie." Will pointed out.

"No you're not. You're an anchor, you read other people's reporting off a script." Charlie purposefully nettled the younger man.

Will brought his hands up to his face although he looked as if he were contemplating strangling the man next to him. "Well how about I've known you for 10 years then?" He argued.

Charlie smiled, "Calm down Will, no need to get testy."

Will flopped his head back, "Are you still drunk?"

Charlie thought for a second, "I don't think so...Anyway you're right, I didn't mean it."

"Ahaha!" Will gesticulated proudly.

"I didn't mean it and I'll tell you why;" continued Charlie, "You're full of shit McAvoy. Mac had been the first one of us to defend Nina and say the woman wasn't all that bad. And, unlike you, Mac is someone who is quick to forgive. Once we found out that the Lansings were the ones pulling the strings at TMI I am willing to be that Mac had dismissed most of the ill will she had toward Nina. And I'm willing to bet that you know that too. So I'm left to wonder, yet again, why did you not tell her?"

Will glared at Charlie for a long time before finally relenting under the older man's stare. He looked to the floor of the town car. "Fine. I was ashamed, okay? The work Nina does represents the antithesis of everything Mac believes in when it came to journalism and I didn't want her to disrespect."

Charlie shook his head slowly, "Wrong again."

Will sat up, getting legitimately angry, "What do you mean, 'Wrong again'? How am I wrong? And if you already know than why the hell are you asking me? I didn't want Mac to think less of me for dating a gossip columnist; how is that wrong?"

Charlie just smirked which only served to make Will more angry. "You didn't care about her respect or feeling ashamed when you were dating cheerleaders. What's changed?"

Will slowly closed his eyes and laid his head back.

Charlie kept talking, "You didn't just not tell Mac, you didn't tell me. I'm willing to bet you didn't tell Elliot or Don or Sloan or anyone. You've been dating someone for 6 months and never told anyone. The reporter in _me_ wonders why that is and I don't really think it has anything to with Mac...or maybe it does."

Will kept his eyes closed and let out a long sigh. He had to have told someone...He rolled his neck and thought back over the past few months.

Damn. He lifted his head. That damn Occupy Wall Street girl. Shelley Whatzhername.

She had asked him if he had a girlfriend. Two weeks after he started seeing Nina. She had asked him and he had couched and then declined. What the hell was that? Why wouldn't he even let himself tell the random doctoral student that he was dating someone?

Fuck.

Will opened his eyes and looked defeatedly at Charlie. Charlie frowned and looked out the window, they were nearing the airport.

The older man sighed, "I'm sorry. Now's not the time to be pushing you about this."

Will shrugged.

Charlie shook his head, angry at himself. "Look, I know this is going to be pretty crappy but try to take some time to appreciate being away. Shut off your phone and just be there, okay? I mean call if you want to but don't let all of this get in your head and follow you there."

Will nodded. "Thanks."

They pulled up to the drop off and Charlie followed him out of the car, surprising Will by pulling him into a hug. "Mackenzie was right, don't worry about being strong all weekend. You can't protect your siblings from their grief or whatever else they maybe feeling, okay? You just need to be there."

Will swallowed hard and nodded into the embrace.

He stepped back and gave Charlie a parting wave.

The older man called after him, "Don't forget to call Nina. Mac told her you'd call."

* * *

Once settled on the plane Will did not call Nina. Rationalizing that it was too early on a Saturday he sent her a text apologizing for the night before and promising he'd see her Monday evening.

He rested his aching head against the glass as they taxied down the runway and wished he had the ability to sleep on planes. If he could sleep he'd be able to clear out the cobwebs of his hangover, and maybe escape the chaotic thoughts bouncing around in his head. Not the least of which was his guilt about Mac finding out about Nina and the confusion as to why he felt any guilt at all.

He groaned and pulled his hands down his face. His father just died. He was going into a weekend that was sure to be full of heavy feelings and real important family things. Now was not the time to be worried about girls like some college freshman.

Not that he had any reason to worry about girls at all! He annoying reminded himself. Despite what Charlie insinuated, Will had no problems whatsoever. He had a sexy, leggy, blonde girlfriend who understood he needed space when his father died and he had a steadfast and loyal best friend who just happened to be his ex-girlfriend and didn't seem to have any problem when she found out about the girlfriend he had been hiding from her for 6 months.

Why _hadn't_ she seemed to care when she found out about Nina?

Why did _he_ care that she didn't care?

why the _fuck_ had he been hiding Nina from Mac in the first place?

He should ask Habib. That smug bastard would know and point out something blatantly obvious; probably something like...

Forget that. Forget Habib and forget worrying about Mac. Everything was great with Nina and everything was great with Mac at work.

Except for that moment...the look that crossed Mac's face right before she answered the phone. He knew what that look meant. It meant that she did care but even worse it meant that she was hiding it because she didn't want to make things difficult for him.

Why did she have to be so God Damn supportive? She had been all night, asking about his father, trying to protect him from twitter distractions and from himself. Telling him to take time, booking his travel, reminding him he didn't have to be strong but still teasing him and not treating him as if he were porcelain about to break.

Why did she have to be so...so...Damnit!

He ground the heels of his palms into his eye sockets.

By the time they landed and he had picked up his car he was on the verge of calling Habib. But he thought again how Habib's real purpose was just pointing out in plain terms what Will already knew and didn't want to face. He decided he didn't want Habib or anyone combing through whatever the hell was happening in his head.

So instead of dialing the therapist he sent Mac and Charlie a text thanking them for last night and that he had landed safely, and to thank Leona again for him.

He powered down the phone and drove the route to the farm in uninterrupted silence, allowing the familiar, infinite landscape to momentarily steal away his inner turmoil and provide him the sense of stability that he knew he would need to get through the weekend.


	4. Chapter 4

Melissa was sitting on the steps, watching Brandon play with some cats when Will pulled up shortly after 11:30.

She rose, smiling at him as he got out of the car. "Caroline said you'd be here before noon, but we didn't think you'd actually manage to pull it off." He just shrugged and smiled.

"I told her I'd be here."

She stepped forward and he opened his arms to engulf his baby sister in a tight hug.

"I'm so glad you're here." She held him to her tightly and buried her face in his neck.

He tightened his hold on her. "I'm glad I'm here too." He heard her sniffle and gave her a few moments before releasing the hold and looking down at his nephew. "And how are you doing, young man? Taking care of your mom?"

The 9 year old shrugged self conciously and leaned into his mother. She smiled and pat his head. "What's this? Don't be shy. You know your Uncle Will, right?" Brandon looked up at his mom and then back to Will before nodding emphatically.

"I see you on TV sometimes. Mom and Dad watch it but a lot of the time you're on during dinner and we aren't allowed to watch TV during dinner so we don't see you every night but I still have the baseball bat you sent me for Christmas and I'm signed up for the team at Church and Mom said that if I ever hit a homerun than we can send you the ball so you know that I practiced with the bat."

Will smiled at the rambling of his nephew and squated down so he was eye level. "You know, if you ever hit a homerun I would love it if you would send me a picture of the ball but you should keep it so you always remember it...I'll tell you what I would like though?"

Brandon stared at him blankly.

Will smiled and opened his arms, "How about a hug?"

The boy smiled a wide, gap-toothed smile and hugged his uncle. "Do you want to see the cats I found?"

Will chuckled and groaned as he stood up again, "Maybe later I need to go say hi to everyone else."

Brandon nodded in understanding. "Aunt Caroline took Jason to the grocery store but everyone else is in the kitchen."

Will smiled his thanks and gave a parting pat to Brandon's head before turning to follow Melissa inside. "You have no idea how excited he was that you were coming."

Will nodded, "Yeah, I really am sorry I'm not around more often. I hate being such an absentee family member."

Melissa grabbed his arm and stopped him, "No you don't and you don't need to lie about it Will. No one blames you for running as far away from here and this life as you can. Don't be afraid to be who you are because you think us simple farm folk want someone different. You were never meant to stay here and you lead a whole crazy life that none of us can imagine but we also certainly never doubted you could do. So, yes, be happy you're here but don't apologize for something you're not sorry for."

He smirked at her, "Okay. But I do feel bad I don't see more of your kids."

She smiled, "Keep saying that; next time they throw a tantrum I'm putting them on a plane to New York."

He chuckled and kept walking in to the kitchen where Tom, Lissa's husband, and Mark were at the table deep in discussion about the Concordia University basketball team.

"I mean they've been terrible in the past, but they are really fun to watch this year. Even the games they are losing are down to the wire and well played. You should bring the boys up sometime." Mark was saying to Tom.

"Hey, don't you go corrupting the nephews of mine into basketball fans. Baseball first, then football, and maybe, just maybe basketball after." Will interrupted.

Mark stood with a smile, "William."

The brothers embraced for a moment before Will reached across the table to shake Tom's hand. "Good to see you."

He peered into the next room and waved at Brandon's 5 year old brother in the living room preoccupied with some Lego characters. Robbie looked up at him and smiled.

"You're missing some teeth there kiddo."

Robbie nodded happily, "I have 3 dollars!"

"For 3 teeth? Congratulations they must have been pretty good teeth to be worth a dollar each."

"They were." He nodded seriously and then returned his attention the blocks.

Will smiled and pulled up a chair at the table.

"I'd ask if you were thirsty or hungry but that's why Caroline went to the store," explained Tom, "There isn't really much to be had."

Will waved off the comment, "I'm not ready for anything to eat anyway."

He turned in his chair to Mark, "So things are good at school or is it just the basketball team that's doing well?"

Mark smiled, "No, things are great. I have something for you actually; it's upstairs, I'll get it later but one of my students last semester based her thesis on your American Taliban broadcast last year."

Will arched his eyebrows, "Really? A student at Concordia? I can't imagine that went well for me."

Mark sniggered, "Yeah, she tore you to shreds. I don't think she knew we're related and it's a pretty funny read. She gets very defensive of Michelle Bachmann; calls you a sexist."

Will rolled his eyes. "Great."

Lissa smiled and hugged Will from behind his chair, "It's okay. We still love you even if you are slowly turning into a Democrat."

"Hey!" He up his hand, "I'm not leaving the Republican party, they are leaving me! And you too by the way, and every other non-crazy conservative with half a brain."

"Wow, impressive, not even 5 minutes and you're already on the defensive. Your sibilings really are cruel to you." Tom laughed.

Will pouted, "I know. I come all this way and am heckled within moments of walking in the door."

"Whose heckeling you and why wasn't I invited?" Will turned in his chair to see Caroline enter with bags of groceries followed by a similarly burdened pre-teen with headphones on.

Everyone moved to help bring the bags to the counters and Will tried to grab Jason's attention, "Hey! How you doing?"

"Hey Uncle Will." Jason nodded before turning to leave the room.

"Well I feel bathed in the glow of family." Will commented.

"Don't mind him, he's been in a mood for weeks." Caroline commented while hooking her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug. "_I'm_ glad you're here, that's all that matters."

"We don't matter now?" Mark asked with feigned indignance.

"No, you don't." Replied Caroline with a sassy smirk.

Will chuckled but kept his attention on Caroline, "Where's Greg?"

She shrugged, "He's not coming."

Will frowned but choose to remain quiet in deference to his sister's tone.

She turned around and joined the other 3 adults in putting away the groceries.

"Will? Can you make yourself useful and grab some eggs? I think I'm going to bread some chicken for lunch."

He nodded and started poking in some of the bags they had brought in from the store before he caught Caroline shaking her head at him. "Don't be an idiot Will. Why would I buy eggs? Go get them from the hen house."

He froze, "Right. Of course. That makes sense."

Mark laughed, "Will, you've turned into such a city boy...buying eggs from a grocery store." He mocked.

Melissa slapped him on the arm, "Shut up. You live in a condo and buy eggs too."

Mark shrugged, "I thought we we were still making fun of Will."

Will cocked his head and rolled his eyes at his younger brother, "You just watch it because karma's a bitch. You're time will come."

Caroline smirked, "I'd say we need 4 and then grab another couple in case we need them for dinner. Careful to not get pecked to death by that rooster!"

Will set his shoulders and stepped toward the door. As he passed Melissa poked him the arm and whispered a slightly sarcastic "Welcome home!"

* * *

_A/N: This is just a little filler chapter to help introduce the family; more of the familiar characters back soon. For clarification: Will is the oldest; Next is Caroline. She and Will are pretty close in age. Her husband is Greg and her only child is Jason. Next is Mark who is single and childless. Finally is Melissa. She's a good deal younger than Will and Caroline. She's married to Tom and they have 2 boys; Brandon and Robbie._


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you so much for the reviews! This story keeps evolving as I type it so I hope you continue to like it. Mac's back in the next chapter!_

* * *

"What? You don't like my cooking?" Caroline nudged Will's shoulder as he picked at the lunch plate she put in front of him.

"Nah, I love your cooking, you know that. My stomach's just a little...unsettled. Must be the early morning and the plane ride." He shrugged.

"Or the hangover and probably complete lack of sleep." offered Melissa.

Will didn't say anything but shot her a look. She shook her head, "You obviously haven't looked in a mirror today. Your eyes are so bloodshot that you could be in one of those Ben Stein commercials."

He gave her a begrudging nod of his head, "I might have over done it a little bit last night. It's not my fault; scotch and bourbon are Charlie Skinner's answers to everything."

Caroline rolled her eyes, "I still haven't decided if that man is a good or bad influence on you."

Will smirked but then nodded thoughtfully, "Trust me when I say all good."

Mark stood and began clearing dishes from the table, giving Will a noogie with his elbow as he walked by, "Well whatever the reason for it, I'm happy to see you looking a little disheveled, Brother. I've gotten so used to seeing that perfectly put together, not-a-hair-out-of-place persona on my television set that I was certain the hairspray must be permanent by now."

Will slumped further into his chair and ran an unconscious hand through his uncombed hair, "Yeah, that's a pain."

Caroline slapped his shoulder.

He glared at her, "What was that?!"

"I've told you not to lie to us."

Will just looked at her, bewildered.

She leaned toward him and tilted her head, "That's a pain? Really Will? You're going to tell me next that you don't like wearing a suit and tie next. Don't tell us what you think we want to hear. You look good on the show and you've always _liked_ to look good. When you show up in magazines it's almost always off the air moments and you still _always_ look good. You're not this disheveled guy wandering around with a $10 haircut he got three months ago. That guy maybe more reminiscent of the boy we grew up with but it's not who you are now so don't lie to us."

He tried to stare his sister down but it was soon clear this was an argument he would not win so he let out a huff and rolled his eyes. "I do really like the suits." he muttered begrudgingly.

"Especially recently!" Commented Mark. "You've been wearing some really nice ones."

Will looked across the table quizzically, "You know suit designers?"

Mark shook his head, "No. But I know the difference from a suit and a really nice suit. And you get to wear some really nice suits on air."

Will nodded, "Yeah, that was one of the more subtle pushes that Mac added when she came in to run the show. 'Making intelligent sexy' is what she said." he flicked his fingers in to sarcastic air quotes as he spoke.

Caroline snorted.

Will sighed, "Will you just stop it?"

Caroline crossed her arms and shook her head. "No I will not 'just stop it.' What the hell is she doing telling you that she's making you look sexy?"

"Producing a television show." Snapped Will.

"This, this right here is what I'm talking about." She waved her hand in front of her, "How are you so casual about this? Why do you let her worm her way in and say these things? It's cruel William. It's downright cruel."

Melissa leaned forward, "I liked Mackenzie. I mean I only met her the one time but I really liked her."

Mark put his elbows on the table and rested his chin in his hands, "That's the problem Lissa; We all_ liked_ her and Will loved her. Which made it all the worse when she broke his heart in an unbelievably cruel way. And now she's back and Will is just putting his trust in her and putting his livelihood in her hands and she's there trying to pretend like nothing happened."

Melissa crossed her arms, "But they broke up just after Robbie was born. It's been a long time. People can forgive and move on and forge new relationships. He's not dating her for Christ's sake, just working together!"

Caroline shook her head and pointed at her little sister, "No, don't you see? That's the problem, she shouldn't _be_ forgiven. This is _Will_ we're talking about. 5 years, 10 years, 100 years, I don't care how long its been. You don't get to do that and then just come back and expect everything to be fine."

Will leaned back in his chair, "You know, this is particularly fun for me."

Caroline shook her head, "I'm sorry Will but I think sometimes you're blind when it comes to this woman."

He held up a placating hand, "Let us all get some things straight, okay? No, I did not let her just waltz right back in to my life. When she was hired I renegotiated both our contracts so I have the ability to fire her anytime I want. Second, she is not trying to pretend like nothing happened; trust me, she is very, very, very aware of what she did and how everything is different now. Third, I have moved on. I'm not some wounded bird sitting in my office crying every time she walks by. Finally..."

"What does that mean?" Interrupted Mark.

"What does what mean?"

"That you've moved on. Are you seeing someone?" The younger man prodded.

Will shrugged, "I've been seeing people."

Melissa snorted, "Yeah, all over the cover of TMI."

Will hung his head, "You saw that?"

"Of course we saw that, we maybe Midwestern simple folk but we got y'all's big city magazines out here too you know." Caroline drawled sarcastically, "I spent a week having to be careful which line we got into at the store to try and make sure _Jason_ didn't see it."

Will sighed, "Yeah...that was...that was not a highlight."

Mark smirked, "So what about now? Dating crazy ladies or is there someone important?"

"No, no one important, but" Will stopped mid sentence as he realized what he just said. He gave a mental shake of his head and continued, hoping no one picked up on his surprise at his own words, "But I have been kind of regularly seeing one woman recently...but that's not what we're talking about now. We're talking about work and why I'm okay with Mac running my show. Speaking completely objectively, she's phenomenal at what is one of the hardest assignments in broadcast journalism. You watch the show Caroline, you've watched it for a long time; had it been better these past 2 years? Has it not been more reflective of the person you know me to be? Has it not been a better show since she came back?"

Caroline closed her eyes and gave small shake of her head, "That's not the point William."

"Well it's my point. Do. You. Like. The. Show?"

She sighed and looked at him sadly, "Of course I like the show."

"Have you liked it more in the past 2 years?"

She went back to crossing her arms over her chest. "That doesn't mean I have to like her."

Will shrugged, "That's your right but just know, if you like the show it's because of her."

She frowned, then relaxed her arms and gave him a conciliatory smile, "It can't just be because I like seeing my big brother every night?"

"No." Deadpanned Will with a smirk and a glare to match.

Everyone at the table chuckled as the tension dissipated.

Mark leaned forward, "Okay, as much as I enjoy harassing Will, I guess we should talk about stuff. At the hospital I made arrangements with a funeral home on A street. Dad already had purchased the plot next to Mom at the church so that's all taken care of and internment is set for Monday morning, Will you should be set to make a 1 pm plane back to New York. We still need to go into town today and actually pick out the casket and then decide what we want the mason to add on to the headstone. All that's left then is dealing with the will & testament and what ever details he may not have accounted for in that."

Will nodded, "Do we know if Dad had any debts?"

Melissa nodded, "A couple of the machines still aren't paid off like the big tractor, the thresher and I think the green combine still has a year left. But the farm is solvent. He's had a good crew working the past few years and some good yields. Unless there was something big he was hiding I don't think there is any serious issues lurking there."

Tom spoke up, "May I suggest this? Tomorrow's Sunday so let's take care of whatever you need to do in Lincoln today and then we can deal with the Will tomorrow here? No need to burden yourselves with too much all in one day."

The siblings exchanged looks agreed on the plan.

Caroline leaned back in her chair, "Okay, but before we leave I think we should show Will the first part of his inheritance."

Will looked at her quizzically as the rest of the table nodded their agreement.

"This shouldn't wait til tomorrow?" He asked.

"Oh no," Mark said, "This is definitely all yours, no need to wait."

Caroline led the way to the basement. there were 9 large bins. "There is a 10th in the living room closet upstairs." she explained.

He looked at the bins with uncertainty, afraid to open them. He looked at his sister hesitantly then approached the closest one. He noted the lid had "2011" scrawled on the top. He slowly opened it and looked inside.

Caroline came up beside him and leaned against his shoulder. "Each bin is about 50 tapes and as far as we can figure, each tape holds about 4 episodes of News Night. There's a bin for each year. The man couldn't figure out how to work a microwave but he knew how to program the VCR for 8pm."

Will stood, frozen for a long moment.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

When he opened them he firmly replaced the lid on the bin. "I can't think of this now. Come on, let's get into town."


	6. Chapter 6

Close to midnight, he leaned against the porch post and lit a cigarette. Considering how little he slept last night he figured he should be asleep by now but he couldn't break his late night cycle so here he was on the porch of his childhood home, looking out over the fields.

It was quiet and dark and he found himself feeling very small.

Without thinking he pulled his phone out of his pocket and powered it on.

The message alert lit up and he scrolled through casually.

_-Nina: You could have called, I'd pick up for you when I'm in bed :-). Take your time and I'll see you Monday night. Love you.-_

_-Charlie: Want a laugh? Julian Asange announced he's running he's running for Australian Senate...from London House arrest.-_

_-Nina: I meant to say that you should call me if you want to. Phone is on anytime. Love you.-_

_-Neal: Hey man, Thought you'd like to know Louis CK tweeted Pepper Burke to stop being a narcissist. Lots of re-tweets.-_

_-Nina: You keep popping into my thoughts. I hope you're feeling ok. I'm sure your father was very proud of you- don't forget that.-_

_-Mac: Did you know ancient egyptians shaved off their eyebrows at times of mourning? If you come back with shaved eyebrows I may have to kick your ass.-_

_-Nina: I keep thinking of you, Nebraska farm boy, out on the plains. Wish I were there in your arms. love you.-_

He paused for a moment, contemplating the device in his hand. Forcing himself not to over think he pushed the call button.

"You do know it's 1 am on a Sunday morning?"

He couldn't help himself from smiling at her voice. "Don't even try to tell me you were asleep. Besides, this is important. They shaved their eyebrows?"

She let out an amused sigh, "Yes, but I think that actually may have only been when they mourned their cats."

Will nodded thoughtfully to himself, "You know, it strikes me that the ancient Egyptians would have done well with today's internet."

She giggled, "I think that's very likely true. To bad they missed out."

Will took a drag on his cigarette.

He could here Mac shuffling and assumed she was sitting up in bed, "So, how's it going out there?"

He nodded again, "Good. It's actually been good seeing everyone. All my nephews are here too, wasn't sure if they would be."

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Her tone came warmly through the phone, "They all must be so big by now."

Will smiled thinking back over the day and the evening he had spent with his nephews. "Yeah, they really are. You wouldn't believe Robbie, he's giving teeth to the tooth fairy every day and Brandon made the church little league team."

"Will, that is great! Following in his uncle's footsteps is he?"

Will smiled, "Well let's hope because his Dad is absolutely crap at sports."

Mac chuckled fondly, "And what about Caroline's son...Jason? Is he in high school now?"

"8th grade, actually. He wasn't too chipper today but then again, I can't blame him."

"Has it been awkward?"

Will shifted his weight against the post, "No, not really. Just not interesting for a kid. Most of the day was taking care of affairs and sitting around the table talking about what everyone's been up to."

"Are you thrilling everyone with your tales of in life in the New York fast lane?"

He let out a half amused laugh, "You know better than that."

"Oh yes _of course_. Can't put on airs in front of the family. God forbid they realize the t-shirt you're wearing wasn't $5 out of some wholesale bin."

He rolled his eyes, "Will you get off me about the t-shirts?"

"You spent $140 on a shirt!" She shouted loud enough that he had to pull the phone from his ear.

"That was one shirt. Most times I barely spend half of that." At the sound of her snort he continued to defend himself, "They are good shirts, some of them are designer!"

"They're t-shirts Billy!"

"Do you want me to start to dig at your shoes?"

"You stay away from my shoes!" She retorted sharply.

"Then lay off my shirts."

"Okay, for now." There was a pause while Will smiled to himself. He loved to bug her about her shoes.

"How's life in the Nebraska quiet lane?" she asked patronizingly.

"Quiet." He answered in an equally patronizing tone.

She huffed out a laugh but when she spoke again it was quieter and more gentle, "What is going to happen with the farm?"

He sighed and raised his free hand to try and squeeze the tension out of his neck. "I don't know. We haven't talked about it yet. Today was straightening out the service for Monday. Have you ever gone shopping for a casket? I can't even begin to tell you what a scam it is."

"Scam?"

"I don't know what the difference between a coffin and a casket but apparently there is one and we don't bury people in plain old coffins anymore. To me, it's a box that goes in the ground. Who cares if it's made out of cardboard? But you don't want to look like a dick who doesn't care so before you know it you've capitulated on fiberglass this and stainless steel that and satin pillows and this that and the other thing and next thing you know it's 10 thousand dollars. He'd probably be happier if we went out and bought him a $10,000 pick-up truck to be buried in. The whole thing is just ridiculous. We should do a segment on the casket industry abusing citizens in mourning!"

Mackenzie smiled, "Yeah, sure, do you want to throw that in the rundown now next the ongoing debt crisis in Greece or do you want to wait until the summer and squeeze it between the Olympics and the conventions?."

Will chuckled, "Can't I do an Andy Rooney type commentary?"

"Well, you could, but then we'd be back to talking about your eyebrows again."

Will barked out a laugh. "Yeah, I guess."

He took another long drag of his cigarette.

"Billy?" Her voice was tentative.

"Yeah?"

"How are you? ...I mean, I didn't mean it like that...I just..."

Will sighed. "I don't know."

"That's alright." She replied quickly.

He sighed, "No...I mean I really don't know. I can't decide how I feel."

"And I'm saying that that is okay; really. Don't try to force yourself."

He dug his toe into the floorboard, "He taped all the shows."

"What?"

He took a deep breath, "In the house he has hundreds of VHS tapes. He recorded and saved every single episode of News Night since 2002. He never even told me he watched! What the hell am I supposed to make of something like this?"

He swore he could almost hear her biting her lip. "I don't know Billy. But it's not a bad thing. You're probably angry because you're feeling torn but he didn't make and save those tapes because he wanted to mess with you. He made those tapes because his son was on national TV and that's what parents do when their kid is on TV. Try to think of it that way and maybe it will help."

He flicked away his cigarette ashes. "Yeah...yeah...thanks."

"Of course Billy. I'm glad you called."

He cleared his throat, "Yeah, well I needed clarification on that eyebrow shaving thing."

She laughed softly, "Whatever it takes." A long pause followed but Will couldn't seem to bring himself to find a reason to hang up the phone.

Mackenzie's voice came back over the line, "Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?"

He wiped a hand over his brow, "I don't know. It's awfully quiet here."

"It's also quiet in your apartment here. I bet you didn't sleep much last night and I know you didn't sleep on the plane...maybe it will come to you if you just try to go to bed."

The door opened and shut behind him.

"Yeah, I guess I should try."

"Good. Call me if you need any other clarifications. Be well Will."

"You too. Thanks again."

"Always."

He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked down as he powered it off again.

"Jeans and a flannel shirt, silohetted against the farmscape; you look like you never left."

Will turned to watch Caroline settle herself on the steps next to him.

He ignored her observation, returning his attention to the farm laid out in front of him.

Caroline pushed his legs teasingly, "Was that the mystery girlfriend?"

He shook his head and moved to sit next to her, his knee audibly cracking as he sat. She looked pointedly at him but maintained her focus.

"Who was it then?"

He shrugged and looked away, "Mac."

"Will!"

"What? Caroline? Seriously."

She crossed her arms, "What do you mean, 'What?' I think it's pretty obvious."

"Well, it's not."

"I know we did this this afternoon but I just do not understand. And don't even try to tell me that was about work. You're calling her from across the country at midnight and letting her play with your heart. She hurt you William. And she doesn't get forgiven for that. "

He stubbed out his cigarette angrily. "She hasn't been forgiven for that." His sister rolled her eyes at him, "Seriously! I haven't forgiven her, even though...whatever. Regardless of anything she is the best in the business and I'd be a fool NOT to work with her again and to be quite honest if anyone has been playing with anyone's heart it's me being cruel to her."

"Will..."

He waved his hand, effectively cutting her off."No. I appreciate you looking out for me but it's complicated. And yeah, I haven't forgiven her but you know what? I want to. I didn't at first but I really do wish I could just get over it. Regardless of your approval she is my closest friend and most trusted partner so I'd appreciate it if you would stop lashing out at her for things she hasn't done wrong like answering the phone tonight."

Caroline looked steadily at her brother and pursed her lips. "I just don't understand why you're out here talking to her when you're supposedly dating someone else."

"Yeah..." He breathed out and hung his head. "I don't know what to say about that."

"I just don't want to see you hurt again."

He sighed, "I won't be."

"William..."

"I won't."

She glared at him until he turned his gaze to back over the pasture.

"I sometimes forget how dark it gets out here."

She said nothing in reply so he continued, "I mean New York isn't too bad everywhere. Yeah, Times Square is as bright as day even at 2am. But you move away from midtown and it calms down a bit. More so the higher you go. So some place like my apartment which is 27 stories up in Tribeca you can tell yourself that it feels pretty dark, especially if you go another few stories up to the roof. But when you come out here...it's a whole new meaning to the word. Nothing but the stars in the sky."

"It's beautiful." Caroline whispered.

Will smirked, "I can't decide if it's beautiful or suffocating."

His sister shook her head sadly, "It would be for you."

"Caroline..." Will shifted and dropped a warning hint into his tone, "I didn't mean..."

"No, you didn't _mean_ anything," she cut him off, "But there's a reason that you feel that way. And we all know it and what's ridiculous is the fact that we wander around and pretend like your intellect and ambition are the only reasons why you ran away from here as fast as you were able."

Will rubbed at his forehead with his fingers, "I didn't run away Caroline. I had opportunities and I took them. The fact that the opportunities took me away from this place is not a reflection of any intentions of mine to leave you."

She breathed out a snort of disbelief and he looked at her, "Really? You don't believe me?"

"Of course I don't William. Why would I?"

"Because I think I've at the very least earned the benefit of the doubt. Since my first memories my entire life has been about you and Mark and Lissa. For my entire childhood my every waking moment was spent worrying about you three. If I had really run away when I wanted to...Hell it would have been long before Melissa was born, probably even before Mark if I had been able to figure out how. But I stayed. It wasn't until Dad left and then finally stopped drinking that it eventually got to a point where I felt I didn't need to be so worried about you all the time...That you would be okay without me. So when opportunities arose I allowed myself to take them. I almost didn't. Did you know Mom came upstairs and found me still unpacked the night before I left the first time? It took her until 2 in the morning to convince me to go. And after I did, how many times did I write to you three offering to pay the way if you wanted to leave and stay with me? How many times? Please don't sit here and accuse me of wanting to abandon you or whatever crap you have floating in your head."

It was quiet again before he heard the small sniffles coming from his sister and he sighed and rolled his eyes as he extened his arm and pulled her into his side, "Aww Ca, I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm sorry."

She shook her head into his chest, "No, you're right. You were always phenomenal and I know what he put you through and what you put yourself through. I don't understand...any of it Will but all I know is that I'm so lucky that you are my big brother because I don't know what I would have ever done if you had left or if you weren't there at all."

He grimaced and just held her tighter, "Shhhh...it's okay. We don't need to think about any of that."

She shuddered in his arms, "Did you hate Mom?"

He leaned away from her so he could look at her face, "What?! No! Why would you even think that?"

She shrugged and cast her eyes away, "She was the adult. She could have stopped things. She could have left him. She could have reported him. She could have recognized what kind of man he was before they were married or refused to give him children after she found out. It was her job to protect you, not the other way around and she failed. Do you hate her?"

Will's eyes went wide. Their mother had died over a decade ago from an anyeurism and never before had Caroline, or anyone, ever brought up that kind of questioning. "No. No I never did hate her. There were times when I was angry at her or scared for her but as I got older I mostly felt sorry for her. She was in a terrible position and I know she felt badly but I never blamed her. Ever."

His sister began to cry again.

"Caroline, come on, don't cry. I told you, there's no need to think of any of this. It's all okay now."

She fell back into his embrace and continued to cry. Finally after many soothing words she sat back up and averted her eyes as she whispered, "I don't want Jason to hate me."

Will blinked for a moment, opened his mouth to speak, closed it again and took a deep and deliberate breath before he spoke in a low and menacing tone, "Caroline? Why isn't Greg here?"


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! I generally don't like / struggle with original characters but I kind of backed myself into a corner with this story so I'm glad that you still like it. I promise there will be more Mac and the regular crew and Will will get back to NYC but thank you for your patience as he works through everything 'back home'._

* * *

Will could feel himself start to tremble in anger. Caroline began to cry again and leaned in to grasp his shirt.

Will gently pushed her back so he could look her in the eye, "Where is he Caroline?"

She shook her head.

He felt his heart pounding in his chest, "Caroline, come on now, this is me, tell me where he is."

She took a deep breath. "I don't know where he is right now. I left him last month. He was angry because dinner wasn't going to be ready before he had to leave for some meeting or whatever but he hadn't told me about it so how was I supposed to know to have dinner ready early? He tossed a plate and got in my face but before he could hit me Jason stepped in and pushed him away. He grabbed Jason by the arm and tossed him into the wall. And, oh my god Will, it was just like you and Dad. It was like I was a little kid again watching you get hit for protecting one of us except this time it was my son. _My son_ Will! I_ put_ him in that situation and...and..." She breathed a few deep, shuddering breaths.

"We left him that night. I had Jason pack up his things and he and I drove down here and have been living in the house with Dad for the past month. I don't know where Greg is, nor have I returned his calls for the past month."

Will was trembling. "Caroline, how long has this been going on?"

She shrugged, avoiding eye contact "I couldn't even tell you. I mean it wasn't always like this but he's been under a lot of stress lately so it's been more so but...I don't know. It's not new."

Will brusquely pushed away from Caroline and stood at the bottom of the steps. "I'm going to kill him."

"Will!" She reached for him again but he began to pace on the walkway.

"No, really, I'm going to kill the bastard."

She grasped his arm, "Will, please, I'm sorry. I didn't tell you this to make you mad. Please, I'm sorry."

Will froze and looked down at her, "No. Don't you dare apologize. A woman being hit by her husband has no reason to apologize to anyone._ I_, however, need to apologize to_ you_ for killing your husband, because that's what I'm going to do right now."

"William!"

He brushed her off, running his hands through his hair. She followed him and grasped his arms.

"Please, Will. I'm sorry I never told you. But please, don't be angry."

He breathed out harshly, "Don't be angry? How can you...How...? We just; we _just_ talked about how you are everything I cared about. Now, you tell me the man you've been with for 15 years is no better then the father I spent 15 years protecting you from! How the hell am I supposed to not be angry?!"

"Will, please. Let's just talk about this tomorrow, please...I just needed...I was worried about Jason...that's all...I didn't mean for you to...please...just don't.._.please_..." She collapsed against him sobbing into his chest and pulling on his shirt.

He could do nothing else but pull her to him and slowly rock her in the dark. "Shhh. Okay. Okay. It's okay. I'm here. I'm staying right here and I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry. You're both going to be alright. It's okay. I'm right here."

Brother and sister stayed out on the porch until the horizon began to lighten, heralding the rising sun.

Will finally convinced Caroline to head to bed to try and grab some sleep in the last couple of hours before breakfast. He watched her disappear up the stairs then settled himself back outside on the porch swing knowing there was no way he could even hope to get some sleep.

He breathed deep breaths and tried to let the beauty of the breaking dawn over the plains soothe his frayed nerves. He wished he had a joint but figured a cigarette would have to do. He let it dangle from his lips and leaned back, closing his eyes.

'Shit.' he thought to himself.

Day 2 with little to no sleep and just keep adding on the emotional stress. He idly wished he had some mirtazapine with him. Sub-consciously he raised his hand to his stomach. Nope, never mind. No more self-medicating...unless it was some of those brownies Neal knows how to get.

Those were _good_ brownies. He let his mind wander back to that night.  
If he was honest it was one of the best nights he'd had in a long time. Not only was it one of the best stories he ever got to report but everyone was in a good place that night. No drama, no thinking about anything in the past; just sitting back and watching some of the best people in the business do the work he loved on a great story.

Being baked just meant he allowed himself to really take the time to enjoy each moment.

He loved the excitement of trying to get the confirmation, loved watching Charlie tell the team, loved the energy each time someone announced they booked someone good, loved watching everyone jump from the holding pattern to moving the moment they gave the go, loved watching Mac pull everyone together and give them direction, loved hearing her effortlessly coordinate segment after segment they did even when it was past 3 in the morning, loved the way she kept subtly reminding him to drink water, loved the way she sauntered into the studio at the end of the night, loved the way the skirt she was wearing...

ARRRRRAAAHHH-ARRRRAHHHH

"JESUS CHRIST GOD DAMN IT!" Will jerked awake to find the rooster patrolling the porch and crowing in the new day.

Will blinked his eyes rapidly as he listened to the farm coming awake; the cows baying in the barn, goats and sheep in the paddock, the crows in the tree top, the hens chattering in the hen house

ARRRRRAAAHHH-ARRRRAHHHH

And the goddamn rooster who would not shut the fuck up.

"Yeah, yeah. You did that already, get the hell away from me you dumb cock." Will shoved the rooster off the porch with his foot. With a huff and shake of his wings the king of the hen house wisely strode away to bring his call to another corner of the yard.

Will shook his head and fished his phone out of his pocket, powering it on.

_-Remember when I said it was quiet here? I forgot about the goddamn animals. Someone save me and bring me back to the peace and quiet of NYC.-_

He settled back on to the porch swing. It wasn't long before he felt the buzz in his pocket.

_-Mac: I take it no sleep?-_

_-A little, fell asleep on the porch. Didn't last long. Fucking rooster. Up most the night with Caroline. You can't believe how fucked up everything is.-_

_-Mac: Want to tell me about it?-_

He sighed, he didn't think he could yet articulate what Caroline's revelation did to him, nor did he want to think about it too, even just thinking about thinking about it invited the anger to come and coil itself in his chest, like a physical weight on his heart. He looked at the time on the top of the screen. Considering the time he had kept Mac up talking last night she was probably still in bed. Crap.

_-Tell you all about it when I'm back. Go back to sleep. It's Sunday and it's early. I'm sorry.-_

_-Don't be sorry Billy. Don't ever be sorry.-_

He smiled fondly at the phone. She could make him feel better in the simplest of ways.

His smiled fell into a frown and he scowled at himself. What the hell was wrong with him? Shouldn't he be calling and texting Nina?

It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to Nina. She was a great person to have a conversation with but...she didn't know he rationalized...she didn't know anything about his childhood or his family and that wasn't something you got into over the phone. He just needed to feel a connection with someone who knew both sides of him.

He promised himself once he got back to New York Nina would go back to being his first call, but for now, for what remained of this weekend, he would allow himself to take the easy way out.

He snorted at himself under his breath. He was so full of shit.


	8. Chapter 8

Caroline didn't give Will any chance to talk to her about her late night revelation at breakfast and at Church she strategically manipulated Melissa and Tom to sit between the two of them.

He was determined to talk to her about it before lunch but that was when Mark clasped his hands together, getting the adults' attention, "So I guess we better get down to that which we do not want to do." He looked pointedly at Will.

"What?" He shrugged, not following.

Melissa sighed, "You're Dad's lawyer, right? So we need to deal with the Will."

Will leaned over the table, "Okay, let's get one thing straight; I'm Dad's lawyer in the sense that I'm any of your lawyers; I'm here if you ever get in trouble and if you ever want me to read over something for you. Other than reviewing some of the farm contracts I didn't do anything for him. I didn't help him write his Will."

"Still," pointed out Mark, "We need someone to act as executor and I think we'd all be more confident if it was you in that role."

Will shook his head again, "I could be a beneficiary of the Will and that could lead to conflict of interest. There is a lot of drama that comes with estate law and it may be best if we just call in someone from town."

Caroline rolled her eyes, "No, we're not doing anything fancy, just reading the damn thing and you should be the one to read it in case there is any lawyer talk in it." She paused and scanned the table, "Does everyone here trust Will?"

Everyone emphatically indicated their agreement. Even Brandon offered a "I trust Uncle Will!" From where he sat coloring in the next room.

Tom turned, "Brandon, what did I tell you about adult conversations?"

The boy pouted, "But I wanted to tell Uncle Will I trust him too!"

Will fidgeted in his seat but he looked over at his young nephew in the doorway, "Thank you Brandon, that means a lot."

Caroline smiled, "Now that you have secured the youth demographic, may we continue?"

She pulled a rusty old lock box from under the sink while Mark disappeared into the master bathroom, returning with an equally rusty set of keys. Will sighed, why couldn't Dad use a bank like a normal person?

Caroline took the keys from Mark and opened the box. She paused, just staring into it for a moment before shaking her head and sifting through until she found what she was looking for, a thin envelope with the words "Last Will and Testament of John W. McAvoy" in familiar scrawl.

She closed the lock box and handed the envelope to Will. He sighed and made no effort to hide his reluctance as he reached across the table to take it from her.

He pulled the single piece of paper from the envelope and slowly opened it. As soon as he did, he let out a laugh.

Everyone looked to him with curiosity.

He smiled at them all, "No need for a lawyer. Good ol' John kept it simple, 3 lines; _'It all goes to the kids. You 4 will know what's best. If you sell the farm, take care of the guys.'_"

He lay the paper on the table so they could all read it for themselves.

Mark and Tom both chuckled while the girls just silently shook their heads.

Tom turned to Will, "So what do you do now?"

Will shrugged, "Figure it out I guess. I mean we will have to deal with what's going on with the farm of course, but let's start with this, does anybody have anything they want?"

They were all quiet for a moment, thinking through the open ended question.

"I don't want anything." Announced Melissa firmly.

Mark tilted his head, "Come on Lissie...of the four of us you were the closest to Dad."

Melissa's lips started to quiver and tears gathered in her eyes. She looked down at the table and Tom shifted over to give her a one armed hug. She brought her hand up to latch on to his.

Caroline picked up on their silent conversation, "What is it?"

Tom looked once more to his wife and then sighed, "Lissa has been...having some troubles."

Will's eyes shot to Tom then back to Lissa then back to Tom. "What kind of troubles?"

Tom shifted, and gave a hesitant sigh, squeezing Melissa's hand, "Severe depression."

The other three siblings arched the eyebrows in matching expressions.

"Lissie?" Caroline asked.

Melissa raised her head and gave them a watery smile and cleared her throat, "My doctor thinks its kind of a survivor's guilt type thing. Dad never hit me. Not once. I'm the only one he never hit. I was the baby then he left us before I was in high school and he had stopped drinking and was trying to make amends with Mom before I even made it to college." She sighed and looked down at Will's hands, "You were there to take the blame and punches when I spilled juice and broke the TV and then I grew up and got to have the supportive father you never knew. I hate him for that. I hate him and I hate myself. I don't want anything in my home that will remind me of him and any of the colossal injustice of it all."

The table was stunned silent at their baby sister's admission.

Will shifted close to her and pushed a hard kiss to the top of her head. "You're taking care of yourself?"

She sniffed and nodded and wiped at her eyes, "I am. I've been going to AlAnon regularly and I have a couple of really good doctors who I like and an amazing husband who has kept me from doing anything stupid."

Will swallowed hard at the implications of that statement but he nodded his silent thanks to Tom. "Don't forget or ever doubt we love you Sis."

Melissa smiled and met eyes with everyone around the table, "I'm just glad you all know now."

Mark cleared his throat, "I guess I should take that as my cue..."

Everyone turned their attention to the professor at the table. Mark shifted under their collective gaze. "I don't care about taking any of Dad's stuff but...it would be helpful to me if there was...uh...anything...financial...that I could have."

Caroline made quick eye contact with Will, "Are you in trouble Mark?"

He shook his head, "No. Well, not yet."

"Mark?" Will stared at his brother.

Mark looked around the table and shifted uncomfortably. "Well, I always said I would be honest about this once Dad was gone, so here it goes..." He looked around the table and then locked eyes with Will, "The long and short of it is, I'm gay." He held his breath.

Will shook his head, slightly shocked. He began to run through his memories to see if there was any way he should have known. He stopped his inner inventory when he realized Mark was still staring at him and being absolutely still.  
Realizing what his brother was looking for Will gave him a warm smile. Mark let out a long slow breath.

"I can't believe you've never told us!" Shouted Melissa. Wiping away the remnants of her tears she stood up and moved to his side of the table and gave him a fierce hug. "When did you realize this?"

Mark shrugged, "I don't know...I think I've always known it wasn't girls I was interested in but it took a while for me to be able to admit to myself."

Caroline got up and followed her sister's lead, giving him a hug. "You little twerp, I should make you drink a bottle of Tabasco sauce for each decade you've been lying to me." Mark chuckled shakily.

Will leaned back in his chair, "Yeah, okay. You're my brother and you know I love you, gay, straight, what ever. I'm still concerned about why you need money and what does being gay have to do with it."

Mark picked at the table, "Well, now that Dad isn't around I want to live my life openly and I think that means I'm going to be out of a job before next Fall. Even if I'm not I think I want to get out of here, you know, move to one of the coasts or a real city. I have some savings but I'm basically hoping to reboot my life and I'm looking at a lot of uncertainty ahead."

Will looked around the table then nodded. "Well on Monday we'll figure out exactly what situation Dad was in and take it from there." He paused and averted his eyes, "And regardless of that we'll make sure you have what you need."

Mark gave a shaky but appreciative smile. He let out a long breath. "So glad that's done."

Caroline smiled at him and then made eye contact with Will, "I guess it's my turn then."

She looked around the table and squared her shoulders before announcing, "I'd like the farm."

No one said anything so she continued, "I'm leaving Greg and I need someplace for Jason and I to go. We've already been here a month and I don't think it would take much for me to get a handle of the operations especially because the guys are really so good. They've pretty much been running most things for the past couple of years anyway."

Melissa, Tom and Mark gaped at Caroline. "You're leaving Greg? Why?!" Melissa moved away from Mark and situated herself next to Caroline, offering a supportive arm.

Caroline took a deep breath and looked to Will. He kept his gaze level and reached out with his foot under the table so their toes were just touching.

"Well," she started, "They say that little girls look for their father when they choose the man they're going to marry."

It took a moment for it to click with the two younger siblings. Melissa's mouth dropped open and Mark stood so suddenly his chair toppled back, "I'm going to kill him! Where the hell is he? I'm going to kill him."

Caroline shot a watery smile to Will.

"Will!" Mark shouted, "Why aren't you reacting to this?"

Will shrugged. "She told me last night. I've been threatening to kill the shithead for the past 12 hours...so far she won't let me." He turned his attention back to Caroline, "But as soon as she gives the okay I'm digging up the shot gun."

Still tense Mark looked between his two older siblings before reluctantly picking up his chair and sitting back down.

He looked at his big sister, "I have no problem with you taking the farm, if you want I'll hang around and help you move and buy furniture so it's a little less Dad's and more yours."

Caroline nodded her appreciation. "We'll see."

The table fell quiet, everyone processing what they had heard. Melissa looked across the table, "What about you Will?"

Will shrugged indifferently, "I'm cool with Mark taking the money and Caroline keeping the farm. I think the truck should stay here too for when Jason is ready in a few years. There really isn't much else to think about. Maybe I'll hunt through the attic at some point and see if anything strikes my eye but there's nothing I can think of off the top of my head."

Everyone at the table stared at him as he straightened and grabbed his father's will off the table and put it back in its envelope. "After I'm back in New York I'll take care of lining up the documents you two will need to legally take ownership of Dad's assets and transfer the equipment mortgages but it seems to me with the money and the property settled that's about it, right?"

When no one answered he stood, "Well then, that's that. I guess I'll just go check out what's in the attic."


	9. Chapter 9

Will sighed as he yet again tried and failed to get anything more than a lukewarm reaction from Jason as they passed each other at the bottom of the stairs. He paused and watch the boy slink out the door, insulated in whatever world existed between his headphones.

As slowly mounted the stairs to the attic Will figured that he understood how his nephew felt. He doubted there was anything of interest to him in the dusty attic but he just needed an excuse to be alone for a while. He was used to living alone and having his own space to work out the thoughts that assailed him but he had yet to have any time to process the revelations of that morning.

Jesus Christ. What a freaking morning.

He kicked a box aside and sat down on his Dad's old army footlocker and dropped his head into his hands.

What the hell? How the Hell did all this happen? He was supposed to take care of his siblings and yet here they were; each as screwed up if not more so than he was.

He shot his leg out and kicked the stack of boxes in front of him. As they toppled over, something familiar caught his eye. Momentarily distracted from his musings he reached over the fallen boxes and pulled the battered guitar case toward himself. The case held a musty smell when he opened it but the polished wood looked as he remembered.

He gingerly picked it up and allowed himself to get lost in the task of tuning the strings.

As everything fell into tune and the instrument in his hand began to play he felt the knots around his heart start to loosen and the tension release from his muscles. His fingers methodically picked at the strings as images passed in front of his face; Mark holding his gaze, anxious for Will's reaction, Lissie's hand clutching desperately on to her husband's, Caroline's tear streaked face, lit by the moonlight...his mother's tear streaked face, his father's fist, the bins of tapes, his Dad's number on the caller id of his phone, Mac's face when he told her, Charlie's face when he told him...His father's face with striking blue eyes and thick blond hair not too different than the face Will saw looking older every day in the mirror.

He began humming an old song;

_"Some people they still laugh at me, wondering who the hell I'm trying to be._  
_If everything they say is true I guess I'm just a lot like you._  
_Sometimes I remember, Sometimes I recall, sometimes no matter how I try it don't matter at all..._  
_I take the blame when it ain't my fault, I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. The Hell I will and the Hell I won't..."_

As he sang to himself he looked out the window and saw Jason kicking a loose plank on the fence. Will's hands stilled on the strings as he watched the boy.

Without much thought he grabbed the guitar by the neck and made his way out of the attic.

He got down the stairs and outside and settled himself on the edge of the porch.

"Hey Jason," He shouted. "Whatchya listening to?"

The younger blonde tilted his head and contemplated the sight of his uncle sitting on the porch with a guitar.

"Eli Young Band."

Will nodded and searched his mind. Soon the lyrical chords of 'Crazy Girl' were coming out from the instrument on his lap.

A look of surprise crossed the preteen's face and he slowly removed his headphones.

"You know how to play that song?"

Will smirked and started finger picking absentmindedly. "New music just steals from old music."

Jason crossed his arms, "So...does that mean you could play Trace Adkins?"

Will squinted in thought and after a few false starts 'Just Fishin' filled the air.

Jason smiled, "That's brilliant Uncle Will!"

Will shrugged, "You know what's brilliant? That smile of yours. I've been here over 24 hours now is the first time I'm seeing it."

Jason slumped back, "I'm sorry."

Will shook his head. "No need to apologize. I'm just pointing it out in case you haven't noticed." Will leaned over the guitar conspiratorially, "And let me give you some advice; girls totally dig smiles so always be aware if you've got one on and if not, be able to slap it up there at a moments notice."

Jason looked around, "Uncle Will, it's a mile to the next house. I don't think the chances are very high of a girl suddenly walking by."

Will paused his playing and looked down the road as if seriously considering his nephew's observation. "Okay...true."

Will went back to playing and Jason moved to sit next to him. "When did you learn to play?"

Will bit his lip, "I don't really know. I played around a bit in school. I got this when I was maybe a year younger than you but I already knew how to play a little, I don't really remember when I started."

Jason nodded, his eyes focused on Will's fingers moving across the strings.

After a while he asked, "Is it hard?"

Will looked up then swung the instrument out of his hands, "Here."

Jason looked from his uncle to the guitar with wide eyes.

"It's alright," Will encouraged, "Here just like this. Put your fingers like this. Now strum. That's a G major chord."

Jason smiled, "Cool!"

Will leaned in and adjusted the boy's hold, "Now move these fingers here. Strum again. That's C major."

Jason laughed self consciously.

"Okay, one last thing for now, here...and here...now that is a D major. Try switching between them."

Jason did so, strumming awkwardly a few times and looking up to Will to see if he was doing it right. Will offered a few corrections then gave him a simple pattern to play.

When Jason was playing the chords fairly smoothly Will began to sing quietly, "Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again.."

Jason's smile nearly split his face as he realized he was playing the familiar song.

Will clasped him on the back, "See, not hard at all, 2 minutes and you're already giving John Denver a run for his money."

Jason shook his head, "That is so cool Uncle Will." He held the guitar back out.

Will held up his hands, "Keep it. I'm flying commercial back and I don't feel like checking luggage. You hold on to it."

Jason's jaw dropped, "But Uncle Will, this is your first guitar..."

Will shrugged, "I have a half dozen at home that don't get played enough. This will be better with you. There's a good intro book in the case. The songs are a little old, but they're classics."

"Wow.." Jason rested the guitar in his lap and reverently ran his fingers over it.

Will looked out to the fields and took a deep breath before speaking again, "I don't know if your mom ever told you but when we were kids things weren't so great at home. Your grandfather drank a lot and there were a lot of not so pretty moments between us. There were a lot of times when I just wanted to escape. I couldn't because I didn't want to abandon everyone. Instead I would come out here and practice. Playing was how I got away from everything. That's how I got good."

He stole a glance over to Jason to see the boy also fixing his stare over the horizon of the fields.

Will nodded, "That's all I wanted to say. If you ever want to talk guitar...or anything...I'll always pick up the phone." He stood stiffly and patted his nephew on the back.

As he walked inside Caroline grabbed him and immediately wrapped him in a hug. "Thank you." she whispered into his shoulder.

* * *

_A/N Lyrics are from a song "Grandfathers Hat" by...Jeff Daniels. If you aren't familiar with his music go to youtube and search Jeff Daniels Grandfathers Hat._


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Again thank you SO MUCH for your really thoughtful reviews and your patience. I'm having a lot of fun with this story kind of writing itself but I now know for sure that there is this and then one more chapter before Will heads back to New York, ACN and everything that awaits him there. Thanks for sticking with Will and I as we make it through_!

* * *

The glow of the lap top bathed the kitchen in an eery blue light. Will refreshed the Reuters website for the fifth time, unsurprised that it yielded nothing new.

He sighed and straightened up, stretching out his arm and wincing at the stiffness in his elbow. He hit refresh again, knowing he was just delaying the inevitable.

With a resigned sigh he rubbed his hands down his face and with his eyes still closed he pulled out his phone, turned it on, hit the call button and brought the device to his ear.

She answered on the first ring, "Well I guess midnight is a little better than 1 am. What's on your mind this evening?"

He paused, realizing he didn't actually have a decent reason to be calling his EP in the middle of the night. He flicked his eyes to the wire report on the computer screen, "Puerto Rico."

"Romney won the primary."

"I know. I'm looking at the wire reports." He confessed.

He swore he could hear her roll her eyes but he smiled to himself when she dutiful helped him maintain the pretense for the call, "It's not going to matter. We can do a campaign weekend recap in the C Block tomorrow if you'd like." She offered.

"Yeah..." He found himself struggling to imagine that in less than 24 hours he'd be back in New York and at the anchor desk.

"Do people on the staff know I'm gone? Or Why?" He mused outloud.

She let out a low, sad sigh, "Jim does. He asked about your moment at the end of Friday's broadcast but that's it."

He nodded thoughtfully, Jim was okay. "You didn't tell Sloan?"

"I haven't seen her. Did you want me to tell people?" Mackenzie asked.

"Nah, just curious." He brushed her off.

Mackenzie's voice softened, "Right...Is that all you called for or do you want to tell me about the message this morning?" She paused and when she didn't hear Will begin to speak she prodded. "How are things fucked up?"

He let out a long breath "Jesus, Mac. You have no idea. It's even worse than I thought when I texted." He scratched the back of his head and ran his hand down to his chin. "We're all so beyond screwed up."

He shook his head and breathed again, steeling himself, "It turns out that Mark is gay and has been in the closet his whole life because he was still scared of Dad and it turns out Lissie has been struggling with severe depression and possibly suicide attempts and then, and_ this_ is what I found out last night, Caroline is leaving Greg because it turns out that he's been abusing her and Jason...and I...I'm..."

He blew out a breath.

"You're what Will? You're what?" Mackenzie's voice in his ear grounded him to the present, keeping him from getting lost in his thoughts.

"I'm...I'm in New York and am completely unable to see any of this coming or do anything to help them." He stood and began to pace the room.

"Billy..."

"I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to deal with this Mac." He snapped, unable to articulate his complete frustration.

Mackenzie kept her tone level and sincere, "I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you Will. You're right, that's beyond fucked up. How is everyone else handling everything?"

He deflated and sank back into his chair; "I don't know. Everyone's putting up a good front at least. It was like a group session this morning with everyone confessing together; I think that it probably did help them all a bit."

"What about you?" pressed Mackenzie.

Will cracked his neck, "What about me?"

She shrugged, "What did you share at your little family group session?"

He returned his attention back to his computer, wanting to escape Mackenzie's questioning without hanging up the phone. "I didn't." He mumbled.

She didn't try to cover her sigh of frustration, "And _why_ not? Why not take the opportunity to draw strength from your family, knowing you aren't alone in still struggling with what happened?

"Because it's supposed to_ just_ be me! ...I can't _stand_ the thought of the rest of them...I was supposed to protect them and apparently did a half-assed job!...I mean...I can't...they shouldn't... and now I don't..." He pressed a hand to his eyes and swallowed before starting again in a more controlled tone. "All I'm left with is this; I know he quit drinking, I know he made amends with Mom but when you leave_ this_ much damage in your wake even all these years later doesn't that...I mean...fuck the tapes and fuck him. I feel like...shouldn't I be glad he's dead?"

He paused, anticipating Mac's disapproval, when none came he continued, "I've been thinking about it ever since found out. I mean, I hated the man and think I may have grown to even more in the past 24 hours. But_ damnit Mac_! He is..._was_...my father, my Dad...I can't seem to get past the part of me that always imagined that one day I'd get him to join me at some game and we'd share a Coke and reconcile and apologize and he could just be my Dad. Now that he's gone I know that moment is never going to happen. Maybe it was always a daydream...but it wasn't impossible. So I don't know. I'm glad he's dead but I don't want to be glad, and part of me is angry at me for not just letting myself be glad about it and move on. Am I betraying the rest of them by not hating him completely? What kind of son am I that wants to be glad his father's dead?"

By the time he finished speaking his voice was hoarse with shame.

Mackenzie breathed quietly in to the phone. "You know that's okay, right Will?"

"Yeah..." he murmured.

"No, really Will..." She spoke with her familiar conviction, "Any rationale person would be completely understanding if you were completely happy with him being gone. And anyone with a father can also understand why you don't want to hate your Dad and why you're feeling conflicted. And I'm fairly certain that if you were to have this conversation with your siblings they probably have similar thoughts. I don't know if there is any other way for you to feel. You need to talk to them Billy, it will make you feel better."

He braced his elbows on his knees. "You're good at that."

"At what?" she questioned.

"Making me feel better." He replied honestly. Afraid of her reaction to his addmision and in an effort to lighten the impact he added, "If I keep calling you in the middle of the night and I can stop going to Habib."

"Oh I don't think_ that's_ a very good idea." she replied teasingly.

"No longer going to a therapist or calling you in the middle of the night? Because if it's the latter I can just be sure to change the time of my calls." He asked with a smirk.

"You know perfectly well what I meant." she snapped with lighthearted annoyance.

He leaned back in his chair and allowed a smile to ghost across his face. He closed his eyes and listened to her soft breathing on the other end of the line. Without much thought he voiced the question which had been plaguing him all weekend, "Why do I keep calling you Mac?"

"What do you mean?" She asked, genuinely confused. They had ceased in the recent months since he was with Nina but Will's late night calls were nothing new so she honestly did not understand the question.

Will patiently explained, "This weekend. I keep calling you. You and noone else. Why is that? I can't figure it out and so maybe you can. What's going on in my brain? Why am I calling you and ignoring the half dozen texts from Nina?"

McKenzie took in a sharp breath and said nothing. After nearly 30 seconds of silence Will dropped his head, realizing what he had done and what he was asking of her.

"Look, Mac..."

"No." She cut him off.

"Mac..." He tried again.

"Will. Stop. Just stop." He heard the tension in her voice. It was steady but he knew her well enough, could hear the tell tale hitch that she was an inch from breaking.

He sighed, silently berating himself.

"Look. Ok. Look, Will." Mackenzie fumbled, "You know I...Look, I'm glad you're calling me and I'm glad you're using me to help work out what you're going through and I will always be here for you Will. Absolutely always but don't..._Do. Not_. make me give you relationship advice. I can handle a lot of things but _please_, you can't expect me to do that."

He sighed and rubbed his fingers on his brow "Yeah. I'm sorry."

They were both quiet for a long time. When Mackenzie broke the silence her voice was timid and small, "I should probably go."

"Yeah." He took a breath "Mac...again, I'm sorry."

"It's okay Billy. I'll see you tomorrow." She assured with false cheer.

"Tomorrow." He agreed. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." He stayed on the line until he heard her hang up the call. He put the phone on the table and dropped his head to his hands.

"You're still up?"

Will picked up his head to see Mark in a t-shirt and boxers standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"So are you apparently." He observed dryly.

"I was getting a glass of water. What are you doing?"

Will looked over his shoulder at the still on laptop. "Reading the news."

Mark nodded slowly and padded over to the table. "Who were you on the phone with?"

Will shrugged.

Mark tilted his head, "Mac?"

Will rolled his eyes, "Can we not?"

Mark sighed and folded his lanky frame into a chair, "Let me ask you something Will..."

Will leaned back in his chair, "Mark, I'm really not in the mood right now..."

Mark leaned forward, "No, just a minute Will. Let me ask this; If Caroline got back together with Greg how would you feel?"

Will sat straight, "Now wait a minute, you can't draw that comparison."

"Why not?" Mark sat back, "He hurt her. Mac hurt you."

Will leaned toward his brother, "Completely differently. There is no way you can take what that bunion of a man has done repeatedly and maliciously and equate it to an emotional and confused mistake that Mackenzie made 5 years ago and for which she's spent 5 years trying to pay penance."

Mark leveled Will with a steady gaze, "And how did you feel each time Mom tried to minimize or excuse Dad's actions?"

Will shook his head, "You have no idea how misplaced these comparisons are. You all really don't know the first thing about Mac and I."

Mark leaned back and brought his hand to his mouth as he regarded Will thoughtfully from across the table. Will matched his gaze until Mark let out a slow breath and dropped his arm, knocking on the table a few beats before he spoke, "You know Will, you've spent your entire life being our protector. You can't be surprised when we want to reverse the role and look out for you."

Will tilted his head, "Mark..."

Mark cut him off with a wave of his hand, "No Will, you're right, we really may not know the first thing about you and Mac but the truth is we don't know much about you at all because you've so cemented yourself in the role as our protector that you don't seem to realize that we've all grown up and are on equal footing now. You barely let us see anything about you that the rest of America can't gleam from your Wikipedia page."

Will looked at his hands, "What do you want from me?"

Mark shrugged, "Nothing Will. You've already given me more than any little brother could ask for but we can't help but worry when the rest of us lay it all out in the open this morning and you just shut down. We're all going through something here and if you keep it stuffed inside it's only going to end unwell. Maybe we're being overly worked up about Mac but maybe we're just projecting. We want to do for you what you've always done for us but you haven't given us any clue as to how. Hell, the only reason we even got confirmation about what really happened between you and Mackenzie is because Caroline was watching ACN morning! You don't talk to us Will. Dad's gone. We don't need protection from him anymore. We are, you me and the girls, we're all that's left of our family now. There's nothing left to be scared of but if you don't make a little effort...we're going to loose you more than we already have."

The two brothers sat in silence until Mark shook his head and stood, walking around the table and giving Will a squeeze on his shoulder before walking back to the kitchen.

"I'm pretty screwed up." Will spoke quietly, not looking up. Mark froze in the doorway. He pivoted where he stood but said nothing, waiting for Will to continue.

Will kept his eyes focused on his fingers picking at the table top, "I've got a crap self image and my confidence requires constant affirmation from people who I probably shouldn't care about and my insecurities mean more often than not I push away the people I should and do care about." He looked up to Mark who was looking back with a supportive and wholly unsurprised look on his face.

Will waved a hand in the air, "That's not really the problem, I mean, it is a problem obviously but I've been seeing a therapist for years for all that...but this weekend...The problem I can't seem to solve despite all the evidence, is that I can't decide if I loved Dad or hated him and if I hate or love the fact that he's gone."

Dropping eye contact with his brother Will stood, closing the laptop as he did. "I haven't slept a lot in the past few days. I'm going to head to bed." He kept his eyes averted as he passed Mark in the doorway.

"Will?" Mark said in a quiet voice. Will looked up.

Mark gave him a sad smile, "Me too."


	11. Chapter 11

Will did eventually fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion but it wasn't until after he spent a good deal of time tossing and turning, replaying his conversations with Mac and Mark.

He thought it would make him feel better that he wasn't the only one feeling so conflicted about his father's death but instead he couldn't help but dwell on how much he hated that his little brother was also feeling as torn as he was. The crappy way he ended the conversation with Mac didn't help him feel any better. He wished he had ended the call just a minute earlier; then maybe he wouldn't feel like such crap and be able to actually get a full night of sleep.

Unsurprisingly he woke earlier than he needed. Running a hand through his hair he grabbed his phone and sat on the edge of his mattress; sometime in his sleep he had resolved to call and apologize.

He scrolled to Mackenzie's name but his thumb paused. She had cut him off last night, calling again would just rehash the issue. If he just forgot about it than may be so would she.

Releasing a sigh he scrolled down a few more names.

_-Hi. Sorry. Phone's been off. Tough weekend. Flying back after the funeral. I'll see you tonight after the broadcast.-_

When he got out of the shower he checked the response.

_-Nina; Understood. Sorry it's been a tough weekend. I'll help you unwind tonight. Love you.-_

He shut off the phone and shoved it into his pocket.

* * *

The funeral was small, quick and informal. Will barely took note of who was there and hardly listened to the words of the priest, his full attention fixated on the shiny wood casket which would be where his father would remain forever. After the final prayer people began to filter out but Will remained standing at the grave, his eyes fixated down. Caroline came alongside him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

He gave her a wane smile, "Give me a couple of minutes? I'll be right behind you guys."

She nodded and stepped back, granting him his space.

He looked over his shoulder and watched his siblings walk away before he returned his attention back to the casket in the ground. "Looks like we're never going to have that talk...honestly maybe it's for the best? I wonder if you have any idea about the mess you made? " He took a deep breath and stared wordlessly at the grave, his gift of language completely escaping him.

He wasn't sure how long he stood there in silence before he felt a small hand insert itself in his own. "I understand."

Will looked down and met Jason's earnest blue eyes looking back at him. He took in a sharp breath and froze a fraction of a second before giving his hand a squeeze and returning his attention to the grave in front of him.

"I'm sorry that you do."

Not much longer Will took a deep breath and guided Jason back to the rental car.

They had been on the road for a few minutes when Jason turned in his seat, "Uncle Will, what do I do when I finish the guitar book? What do I do next?"

Will smiled, "You buy a new book. Or look up videos online or just play around, write your own songs. If you can play everything in that book then you have the tools to play pretty much anything that doesn't involve finger picking."

Jason shrugged, "What if I want to learn finger picking?"

Will looked at him, amused, "They have books for that too. If you get your Mom to drive you I bet there are guitar teachers in Lincoln or even through your school possibly."

Jason nodded and looked out the window. He turned his attention back to Will, "What about you? Could you teach me?"

Will smiled and reached over to pat his nephew on the head, "Of course. I have a guy I work with who can help your mom and I figure out how to do those video calls on the computer. We can absolutely work something out."

Jason nodded but Will could sense that wasn't the answer Jason had been looking for. "What?"

Jason licked his lips, "Well, I mean, I was just thinking, and you don't have to say yes, but I was wondering if may be I got really decent and ready for the next step then I could come visit you. In New York?"

Will opened his mouth and then closed it again. It was the first time any of his family had asked to visit him in New York. He turned to look at Jason and smiled, "You let me know when and I'll send both you and your mom plane tickets; even if you never play another note on the guitar, you can come out any time."

Jason smiled and turned his attention back to the road. "Okay."

Will smiled to himself and they continued down the road in a contented silence.

The smile slowly slid of his face as they neared the house and noticed the commotion in the driveway. He felt Jason tense in the seat next to him.

He spared his nephew a grim look. "Jason, stay in the car."

The boy just looked at him with wide, frightened eyes. Will pulled into the driveway and put the car in park. "It's going to be fine, I promise. Just stay in the car." Will turned up the radio and gave the boy a parting smile before getting out of the car himself.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to walk calmly to where Greg stood ranting at Caroline.

"WHERE IS HE CA? I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU CAN RUN OFF AND PLAY YOUR FUCKING GAMES IF YOU WANT BUT YOU _WILL NOT_ TAKE MY SON FROM ME!"

"Greg..."

"BITCH, DON'T YOU BULLSHIT ME."

Will watched Lissie and Tom shuffle their children into the house and saw Mark dashing for what Will assumed to be a telephone so he moved to stand shoulder to shoulder with his sister. "Hi Greg." He said casually, contrary to the adrenaline pulsing through his veins.

The angry man shifted his attention, "Will, please, this doesn't concern you."

Will tilted his head, "Are you yelling at my sister? Are you yelling about my nephew? Are you doing it on my family's property? I think that this concerns me plenty."

Greg bit his lip and stepped forward, "Look McAvoy, your sister is being a _bitch_ and I'm _not_ leaving here until I have my son with me."

Will stepped closer, effectively eliminating any space that had existed between the two men. He drew himself up to his full breadth and height and leaned in close until the men's noses were nearly touching. Despite his intimidating stance Will kept his voice light and conversational, "Greg, did Caroline ever tell you about the night of our elementary school play?"

Greg shook his head and shot a confused look to Caroline, "What the_ hell_?"

"_Eh_, I'm telling a story now." Will held up a finger and pulled Greg's attention back to him, forcing eye contact. He continued his story, "October when Caroline was in 4th grade and I was in 5th we had a school play. Mom wanted us to use the costumes from the play as our Halloween costumes the following week. Caroline hated her costume so when we got home she ripped it to avoid having to wear it for Halloween. Dad, who had been steadily drinking from his flask all through the play, got angry. He pulled the costume from her hands so hard that she fell forward and hit her head on the table. Well, then we were_ really_ in trouble because she began to bleed on the carpet. Dad yelled some more and pushed her off the carpet, causing her to fall again. When Mom went to pick her up Dad backhanded her. So I grabbed his bottle of scotch and cracked it across his face."

Greg's face began to pale while Will's eyes became piercing and his tone dropped from storyteller to low and menacing. "I broke his nose, fractured his cheekbone and chipped a tooth. I was in _5th grade_. What do you imagine I could do to you now that I'm all grown up?"

Greg swallowed. He opened his mouth and started to articulate a response but no words came out. Satisfied, Will stepped back next to Caroline.

The return of his personal space seemed to return some of Greg's missing confidence and after a few breaths he licked his lips and squared his shoulders, "You're so full of shit McAvoy."

Will shrugged, "Maybe I am. But I'm telling you now; this is private property. Your presence is unwelcome. Please leave."

Greg hesitated but resolved to not be intimidated he dared to step forward, "And if I don't?"

Will shrugged nonchalantly, "I believe Mark is already calling the sheriff so we'll just have you arrested for trespass."

Greg flicked his eyes, sizing Will up, "That's what I thought. A lot of tough talk and hot air."

Will narrowed his eyes, "Greg, you'd be a fool to make that assumption. I'd like to hit you but I'm not an idiot so I won't unless I can make a case for self defense or justification."

Greg shook his head, "Fuck off." He dismissively turned his attention back to Caroline, "Come on Caroline, tell me where he is."

She shook her head.

"Don't be such a_ bitch!_" He stepped forward toward and she stepped back, subconsciously behind Will's shoulder. Greg reached forward to grab her wrist.

No sooner had his fingers closed around her wrist he suddenly found himself on the ground, blood coming from his nose and Will standing above him with a clenched fist.

"_What the hell?!_"

Will shrugged, "You gave me justification. And I'd like to thank you for that. As I mentioned I really wanted to hit you so I appreciate the opportunity. However, as satisfying as it was I still have a lot of issues I'd like to work out so if you'd like to charge at me or try and grab my sister again that would be great because I think I need a couple more punches to work out this remaining aggression."

Greg pulled himself up off the ground, spluttering angrily. He approached Will but seemed to think better of it and backed up and got in his truck.

He shouted something unintelligible before he put the truck in reverse and drove away.

Once he was gone Caroline turned to Will, tears in her eyes but held at bay.

He put his hands on her shoulders, "Are you okay?"

She nodded, "You?"

He smirked, "Yeah, I wasn't lying when I said I enjoyed hitting him."

She smiled, "I'm sorry you had to."

He rubbed his hands on her arms once. "Jason's in the car."

She nodded and brushed past him to go to her son.

Will made his way to the porch where Mark stood on the phone with the sheriff, "Will, Did you want to talk to him?"

Will shook his head, "No but he should still come down and get statements. It will help for when Caroline files a restraining order and the divorce proceedings."

Mark finished up with the sheriff then turned to Will, "You okay?"

Will winced, "I may have hyper extended my elbow a little but Otherwise I'm fine. Luckily I know how to throw a punch without breaking my hand."

Mark snorted, "Yeah."

Melissa came up and gave Will a wordless hug. After a long moment she stepped back, "Will! You got blood on your shirt."

He looked down and frowned, "Of course I did. Now I want to punch that twerp again! I really liked this shirt."

Mark smirked, "All your stuff is already packed? You can have one of my shirts."

Will shook his head, "I don't want one of your dirty old shirts."

Mark rolled his eyes, "I have a brand new pack of Hanes. Shut up and take one."

Will nodded his assent and followed Mark upstairs to change his shirt and wash his hands.

When he came out of the bathroom Caroline was waiting for him, leaning against the door fame. "I know you don't want to rehash it, but thank you. Again."

Will just shrugged.

She pushed away from the wall and stood in font of him, arms crossed. "Mark said you two talked last night."

Will nodded, "We did."

"He said it was worse than pulling tusks off a bull but that you actually opened up a little bit."

Will rolled his eyes.

She gave him a piercing stare and he was suddenly reminded how much she looked like their mother. He drooped in defeat. "What?"

She put her hands on his shoulders, "Are you really okay?"

He swallowed and looked away, tilting his head to the side, "No. I'm not. But I'm working on it."

She gave his arms a squeeze and nodded, "And you're surrounding yourself with the right people? People who are good for you, will help you and not hurt you?"

His mind flashed back to Friday night surrounded by Charlie and Mackenzie. Unbidden, a small, genuine, smile lit his face at the memory of the love he felt from those two and he nodded, "Absolutely."

Seemingly satisfied Caroline gave him one final squeeze and dropped her hands, stepping back. "Jason just told me you gave him an open invitation to visit you in New York?"

Will shrugged, "Not just him; you too. And that's nothing new; everyone in this family is more than welcome to come visit. As I told Jason just let me know and I'll take care of booking your plane for you."

She opened her mouth to argue but Will cut her off, "Caroline, I know this is hard fathom sometimes but I_ am_ a millionaire, let me buy you a fucking first class ticket without the obligatory polite debate."

She shut her mouth and nodded her assent. "Maybe this fall? After the election you'll be less busy?"

He nodded, "That would be good timing."

She looked up at him, obviously thinking hard about something. A conciliatory smile landed on her face, "May be when we visit, we can check out the studio and if she would like to, Mackenzie could come to dinner with us? It would be nice to catch up and exchange embarrassing stories about you."

Will blinked slowly, not wanting to loose the eye contact with his sister, understanding she was trying to tell him how much she trusted him and their conversations from the past 2 and a half days. He gave her a wide and honest smile. "I think that would be great and I know she would enjoy it."

Caroline shook her head, "And if all you say is true than perhaps by then you can get rid of this this mystery girlfriend whom you don't talk about or to at all and figure out to be happy with the woman you_ reall_y love."

Will narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth but looking into his sister's gaze he found himself unwilling to put up an argument. He dropped his head and looked to the floor.

"One last thing..." She stopped him as he moved down the hall. "I know you didn't take anything from the attic but I thought you might like these." She picked up three items from the small table behind her.

One was a black and white picture of a 13 year old Will standing with John McAvoy. It was taken at the county fair and both were holding half eaten corndogs with matching ketchup stains, unruly hair and shiteating grins. The other item she handed him was a baseball with EMHS stamped on it. The final item was a video tape.

"The ball was in the lock box. I don't know where it's from or why he kept it but given the school initials I assume it's from one of your games. The picture is from the big black photo album mom kept and the video is the first 3 episodes of Newsnight that Dad recorded. I figured it would be good for you to have things to remind you why it's okay that you don't hate him all the time."

He accepted the gifts silently nodding his appreciation, at a loss for what the right words would be.

Less than an hour later he found himself having a more difficult time saying goodbye than he ever had before and by the time he left everyone, not just Caroline and Jason, had made pledges to visit New York within the next year and he had made tentative plans to come back to the farm for at least one holiday. When he finally pulled away Brandon ran after him, waving from the end of the driveway and even though he knew the boy couldn't see it he waved back in the rear view mirror until he was out of site.

He was grateful for the barely full plane as he was sure he would have annoyed his seatmate because he tossed the old baseball between his hands the entire flight home.


	12. Chapter 12

It was a beautiful, clear day in New York and he made record time getting from the airport to the newsroom.

Sloan was the first person he encountered as he left the elevator. He nodded her a passing greeting, "Hey."

She stopped midstride, "Will?"

She turned to catch up with him. She looked him over, taking note of his dirty shoes, jeans, white cotton t-shirt, unshaven face and ruffled hair. "Wow Will. You look like you just rolled in from the farm. Where have you been all day?"

"The farm." He answered succinctly, eyes scanning the room, "Have you seen Mac?"

"Wait what? Yeah, she went down the street to grab some food about 5 minutes ago. What farm?"

Will turned and walked to his office with Sloan following behind. "Where you really at a farm or are you just messing with me?"

"Yes I was really at a farm and why would you ever think that I would mess with you?" Will kept a straight face.

Sloan tilted her head, "What farm?"

"My family's farm." He answered as he moved around the desk and picked through the morning memos dropped on his desk.

Sloan frowned in disbelief, "You were in _Nebraska_?"

He nodded, "Yep."

"Today?"

"Just under 4 hours ago actually." He lowered himself into his chair.

Sloan shook her head, "Why?"

He shrugged, "I went home for the weekend." he replied as if flying to Nebraska was the same as driving to Long Island.

Sloan was about to ask another question when Jim stepped in with a folder, "Hey Will."

Will looked up, "Hi Jim. What do you have there?"

Jim held up the folder, "It's an rough sketch for tonight's copy. I already wrote a draft of the basic stuff but most of the A and B blocks I gave you suggested outlines based on the rundown to build the real copy around."

Will took the folder from him, "Thanks. Prompter needs it...?"

"5 minutes is fine so you have a couple hours." Jim answered for him.

Will flicked open the folder and gave it a quick scan, "Thanks. Looks good. I appreciate the extra help."

Jim shrugged a shoulder, "No problem. Least I could do. I mean, uh, well, hey man, Mac told me about your Dad. I'm real sorry."

Will nodded. "Thanks. Appreciate it."

Jim gave a curt nod then left, leaving Sloan in the room finally piecing it together. "Will? What happened?"

He gave a reserved shrug, "My Dad had a heart attack on Friday night. I went home for his funeral and all of that."

Sloan opened her mouth and then closed it again. She grasped her hands in front of her, worrying her fingers. "I'm real crap at these things." She finally released.

Will looked up at her, "I hadn't noticed."

Determination crossed her face and she crossed to stand next to him behind the desk, "Stand up."

"Excuse me?" He looked up a mix between incredulous and confused.

She gave an annoyed half stamp of her foot, "Stand up please. I don't know what to say but I feel like I should give you a hug which I'm not going to do while you're sitting so stand up.._.please_."

Will considered brushing her off but something inside him advised him otherwise so he stood and sure enough Sloan wrapped him in the biggest hug her petite frame could manage.

After a few moments she stepped back, a genuine frown on her face, "I'm sorry, I don't know what the right thing to say is."

He offered her a conciliatory smile, "You're just fine. Thank you for the hug."

She smiled in return and backed out of the office, "Well, okay. I'll be in my office. Welcome home Will."

He sat back in his chair and idly watched her movement as she crossed the newsroom. When she was gone from his sight he let his eyes wander across the rest of the staff and the general bustle of activity in the room next door. He looked up at the TVs in front of him and down to the notes on his desk.

Suddenly feeling every one of his unslept hours Will let out a weary but contented breath. It was good to be home.

* * *

Jim had texted her the moment he saw Will arrive so she had grabbed her order and moved quickly back to the newsroom, going straight to his office.

She found him, slumped over at his desk, pen in hand, sound asleep on the copy Jim had written.

She walked around the desk and stood beside him, taking the opportunity to observe him sleeping. The last time she had such a chance had been when he was in the hospital and she tried to think about that as little as possible.

She loved him when he was all put together,in a nice suit, ready for broadcast but it did certain things to her when he was a little rumpled around the edges; she used to call it his 'weekend mode'. That term certainly had some inappropriate-for-work memories associated with it and unbidden, her hand wove through his hair.

"Come on Billy, wake up."

She could see his eyes move under his lids before starting to flutter open. She pulled back her hand and smiled down at him, "I guess this means you didn't get much sleep this weekend?"

He glared at her before straightening and roughly rubbing his hands across his face.

She stood back and put her hands on her hips, "Are you sure you still want to do the show tonight? It's not too late to have Elliot fill in."

He shook his head, "I'm here and I'm fine. Just need some, ah!" He exclaimed happily as Mac indicated the coffee she had brought in for him.

He sat up and eagerly removed the lid and began sipping the coffee. She leaned on the edge of his desk and watched him carefully.

"What?"

She crossed her arms, "One last chance to tell me you're tired and disengaged and would rather not go on tonight."

"I'm fine." He nodded behind the coffee cup.

She regarded him carefully as if deciding to believe him or not. Finally she smirked, "Do you have a good razor in this bathroom?"

"Why?"

She look pointedly at him.

"Ah. Right." He brought his hand up and stroked the 3 days of growth on his chin. "You don't think I should just leave it? This time next week I could have a real beard."

She shook her head, "Absolutely not. You look terrible with a beard. It adds 10 years."

He pouted, "How about a goatee or maybe just the mustache?"

She shook her head, "Even worse. Adds 20 pounds."

"What about the sexy, 5 o'clock shadow thing?" He threw on a cocky half smile.

She shook her head, "You look like a hobo." At his frown she acquiesed, "Don't worry, you make an adorable hobo but I'm pretty sure that's not the look we're looking for in a trusted news anchor."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, I'll make sure there's a fresh blade on the razor."

She smirked in victory. "And what is it you are wearing at the moment?"

He looked down, "A T-shirt and jeans?"

She smiled, "It looks like a regular $5 cotton t-shirt. I didn't realize a little teasing had that kind of power over you."

He rolled his eyes, "It's Mark's t-shirt. I got blood on mine."

The teasing left her face, immediately replaced with a look of concern, "Blood?"

He shifted in his seat and looked to the door as if to verify noone was coming in, "Greg showed up and was in Caroline's face. I ended up punching him; may have broken his nose."

Her eyebrows arched, "This morning?"

"Yeah."

She moved to touch his shoulder, then thought better of it, dropping her hand and asking, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He insisted.

She looked him over, verifying for herself.

He shifted under her gaze. Touched by her concern he forgot his early morning decision to try and forget about the previous night's hurtful conversation, "Look, Mac, about what I said last night..."

"Don't worry about it Will."

She pushed herself off the desk and walked around to the opposite side.

He sat forward in his chair, "I do worry because I appreciated you being on the other end of the line this weekend and I don't want you to think that I would use that time to intentionally do something petty or hurtful."

She sighed, "I know."

He couldn't help himself, he stood and pushed on, "Do you? Because, I really...I mean, you really were...are...great...I just didn't think before I spoke and..."

He drifted off as he watched her attempt to restrain the pain and frustration that still managed to cross her face. If possible he felt worse than before.

He sighed, "I'm sorry.

She shook her head and waved her hand, "It's really fine. Did you want to go over the rundown?"

He ignored her question and crossed to the other side of the desk until he was a foot from her, "I _really_ appreciated everything this weekend."

She sighed sadly and tilted her head to the side, "Will..."

"I spent a lot of time thinking about you." He leaned forward, tilting his neck in mirror, trying to force eye contact.

She looked back at him but instead of the warmth he expected, her face was shuttered, "Will; you need to approve the rundown, finish the script, shower, shave, change and review the graphics book. Not to mention that you're clearly exhausted."

He shook his head, "So? There's time before broadcast." He stepped closer and put his hands on her biceps.

She bit at her bottom lip and wrapped her arms around herself.

"Billy, please. Just stop." She stepped back, her voice was on the verge of breaking.

He blinked, confused, "Why? Mac, seriously, I spent all weekend calling and texting you. And that was only half the times that I thought about it. I only texted Nina once and it was one line this morning and before I even did that I almost called you."

She looked up him and blinked hard. She swallowed and refused to meet his eyes, staring resolutely straight ahead, "You're not going to do this right now. Gary has the rundown book. Don't forget to drop the script off when you're done with it. The earlier the better it is for those guys."

"Mackenzie?" He was exasperated, "I'm trying to talk to you."

"Am I'm saying not right now." She turned and left the room leaving him bewildered and forlorn.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: A reminder that this story is going to continue through 2x06 so as much as I want Mac and Will to figure it out ASAP and for Will to kick Nina to the curb that's still 3 Newsroom Days away...hopefully I'll get there by the end of the week!_

* * *

Mac had her head propped on her hand and her eyes focused on a newspaper. Sloan was not paying close attention when she strode into the room and didn't pick up on the fact that Mac wasn't doing her normal speed read technique and was instead just looking blankly at the page in front of her.

"Why didn't you tell me about Will's Dad?"

Mackenzie looked up, exhaustion etched on her features, "When was I supposed to do that?"

Sloan gave an exaggerated shrug, "How about this morning when I said 'Hey Kenz, Where's Will?' you could have said _Nebraska_."

Mackenzie slumped back in her chair, "I'm sorry, I am. But it's complicated and you know how he is. I didn't know if it was my place to let people know."

Sloan rolled her eyes, "It's you. He wouldn't have minded if you told me."

Mac didn't react at all but remained slumped in her chair, eyes trained on some point on the wall. Sloan's eyebrows climbed her forehead and she sat in the chair opposite the desk. "Kenz?"

Mac shook her head, "It's nothing."

Sloan leaned forward, "What's nothing?"

Mackenzie just gave a small shake of her head.

When Sloan then pressed again, "Is it Will?" Mackenzie looked for a moment as if she were about to answer but instead shot her eyes back down to the desk.

"What happened?"

"Nothing." Mac sat back up in her chair and busied herself shuffling the paper on her desk.

Disbelieving Sloan refused to let it drop, "Kenz..."

Mackenzie shook her head, keeping her eyes averted, "Nothing happened, truly. He's just in a bit of a vulnerable place right now and doesn't realize the effect that his words have on people."

Sloan reached across the desk and stilled Mac's hands, "Mackenzie, look at me. What did he say?"

Mac looked up at her friend with a sad, small smile, "It was really nothing. Nothing on purpose. I think he was honestly trying to be sweet. I just couldn't stand to listen to it because soon he'll come out of whatever fog he's in and be with Nina and remember he hates me and I just couldn't..."

Sloan's eyes doubled in size and she waved her hands in front of her face, cutting Mac off, "Be with Nina? What do you mean be with Nina?"

Mackenzie rolled her eyes, "It's her."

A dark look crossed the economist's face, "It's her?" she repeated.

Mackenzie looked meaningfully at Sloan, "The secret girlfriend that we've been guessing he has." Mac shrugged sadly, "It's Nina Howard."

Sloan's jaw dropped, "No. _Fucking_. Way."

Mackenzie just nodded.

Sloan stared back, intending to wait for an explanation but her patience wasn't strong enough, "How the _hell_ could he do that!?"

Mac shrugged, "Will is a grown man. He's allowed to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants."

Sloan shook her head, incredulous, "No. Not with that woman...after all she said and wrote about him and you and...that was barely a year ago! And how long have they been dating? How does he go from thinking she was the scum of the journalistic gene pool to sleeping with her in just a matter of months?!"

When Mackenzie looked up she looked more broken than Sloan could recall ever seeing her, unshod tears shined in her eyes and her lip quivered. "_He forgave her._"

Sloan was struck speechless as Mackenzie clasped her hand over her mouth as if to hold in the small sob that wanted to escape.

Sloan stood to make her way around the desk but Mac was already pulling herself together and waved Sloan off with a determination to get to work. After a few pointed looks Sloan understood the topic was closed for conversation and left the office.

Mac dived back into show prep steadfastly avoiding even the chance of crossing Will's path or making eye contact.

For his part Will dutifully fell into the role of busy anchor prepping for a show but he couldn't restrain his feelings of rejection and confusion. Every time he had to leave his office instead of walking straight to his destination he would circumnavigate the room, giving him an excuse to walk by Mackenzie's office to catch a peak of her and hope to run into her and force an explanation for why she cut him off.

The more obvious it became that she was avoiding him the more sullen he became so that by the time he went on the air the familiar surge of performance adrenaline did nothing to energize the broadcast. She was mostly silent in his ear for the duration of the evening and for the first time in a long time he signed off feeling unsatisfied with the show.

As he left the studio he saw Mackenzie still in the newsroom and without thinking he called her name, "Mac!"

She froze and slowly turned to him, "Yes?"

He opened his mouth and then realized not only did he not know what he wanted to say but that he knew for sure he didn't want to say whatever it was in front of their whole staff. So he said the next thing that was on his mind, "Did you feel like the show was...lacking something...tonight?"

Clearly taken off guard by his comment she blinked, "I don't know. It wasn't the most exciting broadcast in the world but news wasn't very exciting today. Every night can't be American Taliban."

He smirked but furrowed his brow, "Seriously, I felt like maybe it was missing something. Maybe it was just me but I don't know...you didn't sense it at all?"

She shook her head slowly, "No." She raised her voice and addressed the room, "Did anyone here feel like the broadcast was lacking this evening?"

The staffers all shook their heads and murmured their agreement that the show was just fine.

He tilted his head, not satisfied, "What about touching base with someone about our numbers? I mean we haven't for a long time...Just to double check that we are where we think we are?"

Mackenzie sighed and walked up to him, "Will, it's fine. We're fine. You're fine. You've had god knows how little sleep in the past 3 nights in addition to everything else. I'm not surprised you felt like the broadcast was a little off but I'm telling you it's fine."

Now embroiled in this line of thought he forgot about everything earlier in the evening and leaned forward in full debate mode, "Even so; what's the harm in doing a quick check? We're all so devoted to this thing we might not be seeing what someone else might be able to tell us. Nothing fancy or complicated; a quick dials group. That's it."

Mac sighed, "Will, you know Charlie won't authorize that."

"I don't see why not!" He gesticulated broadly, "I just want to touch base; make sure I'm connecting with the audience the way we think I should be."

She put her hand to her forehead, "God how often do we have to have this conversation Will? Don't worry about the numbers. Don't worry about the audience. Don't worry about the ratings or the rankings or the whatever other popularity polls that are out there. If the show ever gets close to being in trouble Charlie will tell us; other wise let's just do our show."

He rolled his eyes, unimpressed with her clear frustration, "Mac, no one is going to hear what we're saying on our show if we don't have their attention. Look, if Charlie won't go for it may be I'll just do it myself, I can call Harvey and he can run a group on tomorrow's show without Charlie knowing anything. Just to make sure we're swinging at the right pitches."

She crossed her arms and regarded him carefully, "Will...don't you think it's possible that this sudden desire to double check the ratings is..."

She paused, her eyes tracking something behind him.

"Mac? Is what?" He prodded.

She brought her eyes back to him and sighed, "Is nothing. Just...don't worry about it and don't worry about the numbers."

Suddenly frustrated he snapped, "I don't _need_ your permission to call Harvey."

She stilled and looked at him straight in the eyes for a long, tense moment. "You're right, you don't. And you know what Will? I truly don't care what you do; why don't you discuss this with someone who does?"

Confused he followed her line of sight to the entrance from the elevator lobby where Nina stood sending him a smile when she realized he saw her. He return the gesture and turned back around just in time to see Mackenzie disappear into her office.

Wanting to go after her but incredibly aware of Nina's gaze on him he huffed out a breath, "Screw it." He muttered, turning and crossing the room to greet Nina.

"Hey there..." He stopped a few feet away. "This is a nice surprise."

She smiled and leaned up to him to plant a chaste kiss on his cheek. He tried to restrain the instinct to see who in the room may have seen. "You said that you'd see me after the broadcast so I thought I'd meet you here and I could take you out to dinner."

Will smiled softly at her, his heart honestly warmed by her effort. "I'm sorry. I'm completely beat and only have a t shirt and jeans. They don't trust me to leave the studio with these suits so unless you want to go to 2 Brothers Pizza I don't think going out to dinner is the best plan."

Her face faltered, "Oh...that's okay...You still must be hungry though, how about delivery? Your place?"

He shrugged, "Yeah. Good. Just let me get changed."

After Will disappeared into his office Sloan slowly came up behind Nina. "So, you're dating Will?"

Nina startled and spun around, "Oh! Uh, yes, we are. I mean, I am."

Sloan crossed her arms and slowly nodded. "Things are going well?"

Nina tilted her head in confusion, "Excuse me?"

Sloan took a half step forward, "Between you and Will; are things going well?"

Nina shrugged and smiled, "I'd like to think so. It has been quite a while."

"Really?" Sloan smirked and tilted her head, "How long? I hadn't even realized Will was seeing anyone."

Self-consciously Nina began to stammer, "Oh, well..."

Seeing the exchange from his office Will didn't bother with his watch and hurriedly strode across the room to stand next to Nina, "Ahh, Hey there. Ready to go?"

She nodded and he quickly ushered Nina out to the elevator lobby, shooting a glare at Sloan as they left.


	14. Chapter 14

Without the bustle of the Newsroom and surrounded by the familiar comfort of New York, Will's exhaustion crept up on him at an alarming pace.

When they arrived at his apartment he excused himself into his room to change. 10 minutes later that's where Nina found him, passed out on top of the covers still in his jeans. She managed to wake him up long enough so he could change and get properly under the covers but it was obvious that her plans of food and conversation would have to wait. He grumbled an apology into his pillow as she kissed his forehead and gathered her things to return to her own apartment for the evening.

The next morning he woke slowly and naturally. He looked at the clock, surprised to see it nearing 9 am. He flopped back in the bed reviewing everything from the previous day. He could not understand Mackenzie's reaction the evening before.

He eventually gave up on trying, pulled himself together and made his way into the office. He scanned the room looking for signs of Mac before remembering she was holed up in a preliminary Red Team meeting with half the staff for most the day. The room seemed empty and he sighed, disappearing into his office.

He looked over the initial run down pitches that someone had dropped on his desk. With Mac in meetings all day he had the primary responsibility of culling the potential stories and settling the order for the later blocks. He found himself struggling over what was normally a fairly straightforward task; he spent far too much time debating the merits of individual stories. He just wished he knew he was making the right decisions.

Glancing back out to the bull pen to be sure Mackenzie wasn't around he picked up the phone and dialed Harvey at the polling center.

He spent the rest of the day trying not to feel guilty and convincing himself it was the right thing to do. He tried to be overly conciliatory to Mac but she didn't seem to notice, preoccupied with some last minute trip she and Charlie had to take to Maryland the next morning. He tried to ignore the sting of her lack of attention but was ultimately thankful that she rushed out after the broadcast so she didn't need to see Nina who had yet again arrived to the newsroom to meet Will.

This time he had worn his typical button down, sweater and slacks so he readily agreed to take her out to a nice restaurant for drinks and the late night menu. As they waited for the elevators an overly jubilant Sloan came up to them and threw her arms around Will's neck in a tight hug.

"Such a great show tonight, Will! I _really_ enjoyed our segment together. And you know, you looked _great_ in that suit; Both Mac and I were just talking the other day about how good you look in the charcoal suits." She looked around his shoulder as if seeing Nina for the first time, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hold you up. Well, have a great evening. 1:30 tomorrow to prep for tomorrow night's segment?"

Completely befuddled by the economists' behavior Will just nodded mutely. Then, because he wasn't blind nor dead, he watched as Sloan sashayed back towards her office with what he swore was an extra swing to her hips.

Turning to see Nina staring at him with raised eyebrows he tried his best to shrug nonchalantly, "It was a really good economics segment tonight."

She said nothing as he escorted her out of the building. He took her to Essex House but they barely spoke over their $200 a plate dinner. Hardly 40 min after arriving they were declining dessert and drinks, instead taking the car service back to Will's apartment.

They had barely stepped over the threshold when she spoke, "Will, we've been together for nearly 6 months."

He stopped where he was in the entry hall and turned around to face her. Confusion and wariness flashed across his face, "We have..." he agreed slowly.

She walked up to him and twined her fingers into his, "When are you going to let me in?"

He furrowed his brow, "What are you talking about?"

She kissed him on the cheek and continued into the kitchen, "I have been trying to be here for you Will but you block me out. This was hard enough knowing what I know about your history with Mac but..."

He held up his hands, "Hey, I told you that's over..."

She nodded, "I know. But you have to understand why I have my doubts. Then you're silent all weekend, if I hadn't called on Friday would you ever have told me where you were going for the weekend? Then Sloan, who is obviously someone you're close to, tells me that she didn't even know you were dating anyone. All of that makes me wonder how invested you really are here."

He sighed and rolled his eyes, "Don't read into Sloan, she and I don't have that kind of relationship. Charlie knows, Mac knows. That's all that matters when it comes to who knows about my personal life." He wisely chose not to admit they only each found out Friday night when she had called.

She sighed and stroked his arm before resting her palm against his cheek, "We haven't talked about your Dad."

He leaned into her touch, "It's complicated."

She pushed herself closer, "I want to be there for you. Let me in Will."

He took a deep breath but simply could not find the will to have that conversation with her. Instead he leaned down and touched his lips to hers. She dropped her purse on the floor and twined her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

* * *

It was just after 4 am when he woke himself up with a start. He wasn't sure what had woken him but his heart was pounding. He reached for his nightstand, disgusted when he realized he was out of cigarettes. He lay back down, looking at the red light on his blackberry. His fingers twitched to call Mac.

He couldn't help it, calling her in the middle of the night with some excuse or pretense had become his default action when he woke feeling unsettled. He looked over his shoulder at Nina and knew he shouldn't. Letting out a long sigh he also had to admit he wasn't sure how well a call would be received by Mackenzie given her behavior toward him the past 2 days.

He laced his fingers together and tucked his hands behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. Unknowingly Nina's comments that evening had reopened all the thoughts that had been bothering him since he and Charlie talked on the way to the airport on Friday.

They had been together for nearly 6 months. Why _wasn't_ he opening up to her? Why did he feel uncomfortable when she showed up in the newsroom? Why hadn't he told anyone he was dating? He played back the memory of standing in the hall with Shelley Whats-her-name from OWS.

_"I'm not smug. I'm having a crisis of confidence."_  
_"That's a pretty startling admission."_  
_"I don't that many people to talk to."_  
_"That's ironic." _  
_"I know._  
_"You're not married?"_  
_"No."_  
_"Girlfriend?"_  
_"...Well...No."_  
_"What was the well?"_  
_"Mmm."_

Why hadn't he said yes? He banged his head violently against his hands still clasped on his pillows because as loathe as he was to admit it he knew why.

When Shelley had asked if he had a girlfriend he had immediately thought of Mac even though he and Nina had been seeing each other nightly for two weeks by that time. Shelley's question wasn't concerned about his sex life, it had been a question about if he had anyone he could talk to and connect with...and that was Mac. Whom he wasn't with...not really.

He sighed and closed his eyes. Even now, after all this time with Nina nothing had changed; he was using two women to fill the single role in his life.

Nina wasn't just about the sex, in addition to filling that part of the relationship she was the one who could tell him without inhibition that he was loved. Who he could come home with at the end of the day and share a bottle of wine without pretext or pretense. She saved him from feeling lonely when the work day was over.

But at the same time Mac was his partner, the woman who knew him better than anyone and who challenged him to be a better man and cared more about his life than her own. Who he could be honest with and banter with and debate with on a level that others just didn't have the ability to touch. The moments when she let her guard down and handed him an honest compliment he took it to heart; he believed her and felt he earned the labels intelligent, generous, charming and sexy. He had known Sloan was playing some unknown game with him that night but he didn't want to admit how much he dwelled on her comment that she and Mac thought he looked good in charcoal suits.

It wasn't that Nina didn't tell him those things it was just too easy to get her to say them. She was still a little star struck, the way she was on New Years when she realized that _Will McAvoy_ had crossed the room to talk to _her_. She told him he was smart and handsome because she thought that's what he wanted to hear. The affirmation was nice but it never made his stomach flip they way it would when Mac would look at him with unmasked affection and offer a sincere, 'You did good tonight.' on her way out of the office.

He pulled his hands apart and scrubbed them over his face. So what? He and Mac were back to a place he never thought they could be. He actually trusted her again and relied on her and appreciated her friendship. But that didn't mean anything; he felt the same for Charlie. They were just good friends.

He sighed, they were _friends_ and no matter what his fucking subconscious wanted from him, it was time to stop treating her like his work wife. He didn't care how much she had apologized, it wasn't _his_ fault they weren't ever going to be able to be together again. And even if he wanted to...not that he did...she obviously had no interest. She wouldn't even let him tell her how much he appreciated her help over the weekend. It was clear he had been right all along; she had moved on and it was only her lingering guilt that made her act in ways that had left him wondering.

She had no interest in him and he had no desire to return to that chapter in his life only to be rejected by the woman who already betrayed him so there was only one thing to do; Nina was right, he needed to bring her in and start looking to _her_ as his partner and confidant.

Emboldened, he rolled over and tapped Nina on the shoulder until she began to stir.

"Will? What time is it?" Confusion and concern crossed her face and Will realized with surprise that in all their time together Will had never woken her in the middle of the night for a chat.

"Sorry, but I wanted to talk to you about something." He shifted so he was on his side, faces aligned.

Still fighting off sleep she couldn't manage anything more intelligible than an "Okay..."

He bit his tongue to fight through a moment of hesitation, "You're right. I haven't let you in and I hope you can appreciate why that's hard for me."

Nina opened her mouth to speak but he shushed her.

"I'm sorry about that and I'd like to work to remedy that. I'm not going to get into the whole deal with my dad and this past weekend because I'd just rather not think about that now but there is something...It's not overly deep or emotional but it is really important to me."

Curious, Nina nodded, "Of course, what is it?"

He flopped on to his back, "The show."

Nina gave a half laugh half sigh next to him. He propped himself up on his elbow again, "I'm serious. I'm not talking about content or anything like that, I'm talking about me. I don't feel like I'm engaging with the audience the way I should. I can't talk about this with people at work because they think I'm belittling the work they do but I'm really not. I'm just...worried about the audience perception is all."

Nina's face grew serious and she nodded slowly while he spoke."Well,_ I_ think you do a _great_ job but maybe tomorrow..." she looked over his shoulder at the clock, "I mean _tonight_...we can DVR the show and then go over it together; from an audience perspective?"

He gave her a small smile and nodded, "That would be great." He paused before he spoke, "I also had a dial group run on last night's show. I'll get the results in the morning. May be I could send them to you too?"

"You ran a dial group? Mackenzie must not have liked that."

He tried not to look guilty, "She doesn't know I did it."

Nina raised her eyebrows, "Wow."

He shrugged, "I told you I couldn't talk to people about it."

She smiled happily, "Well I'm glad you told me. I'd be more than happy to do what ever you need to help you feel better about your show."

She idly stroked his chest and he smiled, pulling her close to him. As she contentedly fell back asleep tucked into his shoulder he continued to tell himself he was doing good thing.


	15. Chapter 15

Mac shifted her weight as she waited for the elevator to reach the 25th floor. She was exhausted from two flights in one day and overwhelmed by what they had learned from General Stomtonovich but as much as she wanted to huddle in Charlie's office and continue their debate on the merits and ethics of broadcasting Genoa she still had a job to do.

She had kept in touch with Jim through the morning as he had taken care of most of the pressing issues and responsibilities. In all likelihood she could take the rest of the day off as Jim could do a fine job running the broadcast but 8 to 9 was her favorite time of the day and over her dead body would she allow anyone else run their show if she was present and able.

However, on the return flight she had decided there was one last task she needed to do before checking in with Jim.

Between her frustration Monday night and then Genoa distracting her yesterday and being gone this morning she and Will had been distant since he got back and she didn't like it.

A big part of Mackenzie had come to terms with the fact that Will was never going to let her back into his life the way they had before but she still loved him and would take what she could get. That meant teasing and debating and talking in the office and about the show. They hadn't done that the past two days and she missed him.

She knew what she had told Sloan before was true; Will was a grown man who could do whatever he wanted. Mac had no say in the matter and she needed to find away to accept his personal life and not allow it to interfere with this strange and wonderful work dynamic that they had so cautiously built.

So she decided her first task was to check in and mend any fences.

She didn't knock, just walked in to his office making sure to plaster a smile on her face.

"We're back."

He looked up, an honest smile on his face, happy to see her not avoiding him, "I can see that."

Mackenzie rolled her eyes in amusement while Will leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up on the desk. He laced his hands behind his head, "Where'd you two crazy kids go?"

She leaned against the chair in front of her, "Charlie told you, Silver Springs in Maryland."

He gave a single, slow nod, "Riiiight. And _why_ was that?"

She sighed and shot him an exasperated look, "To meet someone involved in the story you know I can't tell you about yet."

He nodded seriously, "Right, of course, how could that have slipped my mind?...What story was that again?"

Mackenzie gave him a glare and crossed her arms over her chest. "Shut up. I'm not falling for it."

He smirked broadly,"You did once before." Reminding her of a time shortly after they met when he had tricked her into telling him about a story that was embargoed.

She shook her head "That was a long time ago. Back when I was young and innocent and naive. Before I was corrupted by a mean old man." She glared at him pointedly.

Will snorted "I can only assume by mean old man you're referring to Charlie and not anyone in this room."

"Yes," She drawled sarcastically, "_Charlie_ is the one who corrupted my innocence." She narrowed her eyes, "You sure you don't want to rethink that?"

Will coughed uncomfortably, "Yeah, definitely. Never mind on that one but thanks for that mental image."

Mackenzie shook her head, a victorious smirk on her face, "It's your own fault." She leaned forward again, spotting a familiar logo on the document on the desk, "What is that you were looking at?"

"Nothing." He quickly dropped his feet from the desk and shut the folder in front of him but not before her suspicion was confirmed.

Her shoulders slumped in disappointment and frustration, "Seriously!? You really had a focus group done?"

He stuck out his chin defensively, "So what if I did? You said you didn't care."

She shook her head sadly, "How many times are we going to have this conversation Billy? I don't know why you get so wound up in these things."

Without thinking he defended himself, "Nina thought it was a good idea."

Mackenzie arched her eyebrows, fighting to ignore how much it hurt that he was discussing their show with _her_, "Did she now? I guess that's not a surprise."

He crossed his arms, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Mackenzie shook her head and looked away, "Nothing. I'm just not sure what your print media, gossip columnist, girlfriend thinks she knows about what's good for a cable news program."

Will pierced her with an unrelenting stare, "I thought you liked Nina."

Mackenzie braced her hands on his desk, leaning forward, "What I have said was I didn't think she was a bad person. _However_, when she starts pushing you to make decisions that are bad for you and the show that _we_ are trying to put together then you can't expect me to just sit here and let you go back down this path of delusional devotion to ratings and dial numbers."

He sat forward, matching Mackenzie's increasingly tense posture, "She's not _pushing_ me toward anything. However she is supportive and understanding that we aren't doing a social studies project here!" He stood up, leaning over the desk, "Sales and audience retention are a _real_ thing so I'm sorry if you're haughty sense of broadcast journalism forbids me from caring but maybe you should remember that your face and name aren't the brand _"we"_ so casually risk on a nightly basis!"

Hurt, she bit her lip and stood back, arms again crossing over her chest, "So now what? You have these numbers. What are you going to do with them?"

Still angry and defensive Will couldn't help himself as he twisted the verbal knife, "Nina and I are planning on going over them and tonight's broadcast together at home this evening."

Mac's face blanked and her eyes went cold, "Are you really?" She spoke quietly but with an edge that Will had rarely heard.

He straightened and crossed his arms over his chest, "Yes, really."

She nodded, averting her eyes, and speaking so quietly she may have been speaking to herself, "Okay then." She looked up into Will's eyes and let out a short breath, "Well I hope you have a wonderful evening then. Please do give me a heads up whenever you decide you want her in the control room with a headset. I'd like to update my resume before she takes over the show."

She spun on her heel and strode out of the room.

Will regretted the conversation the moment she turned to leave, "Mac!...It's not like that...I'm sorry... You know what I..." but she was already gone.

He dropped in to his chair, and glared accusingly at the folder on his desk. With disgust he picked it up and tossed it angrily across the room.


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N So now you all need to go back and rewatch 2x06 because there is nothing I could possibly add to the scenes with Mac and Don at the bar, Will and Nina at home (and then that perfect dumping by Will) and Sloan's final slap upside the head to our poor, messed up protagonist._

* * *

Sloan paused in the doorway before she stepped out "I love you Will."

He regarded her with affection, "Thanks Sis."

He watched her leave then turned to look out the window. He couldn't argue with anything Sloan had said but even though she had crystallized the problem she hadn't told him what to do next. He tapped his fingers on the desk a few more times, sighed and he picked up his blackberry.

"Will? What's wrong?" Caroline's voice came through after the third ring.

"What? Nothings wrong, why would you ask that?"

"You hardly ever call and you especially never do it in the middle of the day." She patiently explained.

He shrugged, "Well maybe I'm trying to be a better brother."

"Yeah okay, right. What's up Will?"

"Hey," He objected honestly wounded by her disbelief, "Why is that so ridiculous?"

Caroline huffed into the phone, "It's not ridiculous, what's ridiculous is that you would start by calling when you're obviously in the middle of a work day."

He leaned his elbow on his desk, "Well now is when is convenient for me."

"Riiiiight. Will," before she could continue he could hear her pull herself away from the phone, "Jason! Can't you see I'm on the phone? Please, do that in the other room!"

She returned her attention to him, "He won't stop playing that damn guitar. All day and all night. I should kill you you know."

"I think I'd actually be okay with that." He commented dryly.

She sighed, "I knew something was wrong. What's going on Will?"

He tilted his head to the side, suddenly unsure of himself. "Have I ever mentioned Sloan Sabbith to you?"

"Will, I watch your show. I know who Sloan Sabbith is, but no, you've never said anything about her." There was a pause and a gasp, "_She's_ not...the girlfriend you wouldn't talk about?!"

Will sat forward so fast he almost his head on his desk, "No!" he chortled. "No...not at all!" He let out a short amused breath.

"Good." Commented Caroline, "Because she's hot and smart but I could understand why that would be way too complicated."

He shook his head, "Yeah, I'm able to make complicated all on my own without any of her help."

"Okay, so what about her?" Caroline reverted the focus back to his question.

"Well, we've kind of developed a familial relationship...you know brother sister type thing."

Will tried not to read into Caroline's quiet "Mhrm..."

"So she was just in here and kind of gave me a lecture but she left and I was still confused so I figured I'd call my real sister to help fill in the pieces." He returned to his previous position, leaning back in his chair.

"Ooookay. You're going to have to tell me what the pieces are before I can help you at all William."

He sighed and ran his hands over his face. When he removed his fingers he noticed on the other side of the glass that he could see Mac searching for something on the desk closest to his door. She was leaning over and he became entranced by the small slit that lay flush against the back of her thigh.

He was assaulted with the image of his own hand, slowly teasing up the back of her leg and disappearing under her skirt, right there. He could hear her playful admonishment, "Not in the office Billy..." He swallowed his distracted smile as the real Mackenzie found what she was looking for, stood and walked away without turning to look into his office.

"Will?! Hello?" Caroline's voice came through the phone he had forgotten he was holding.

"Yeah?" He replied, voice hoarse.

"Are you sure you're okay Will? Where'd you go?"

Before he could stop himself he poured out, "I dumped her. The other woman. I dumped her because she was wrong. Wrong about what I should do and who I should be and wrong for me. She was the wrong woman and it was a mistake trying to be with her."

Caroline sighed, "And do you know who the right woman is?"

Will closed his eyes, heard Mac's words from the other night "_I will always be there for you Will, absolutely always._"

"Yeah. I do." He mumbled into the phone.

"So what's the problem?" Caroline prodded.

"She's pissed at me."

Caroline let out a laugh which immediately put Will on the defensive.

"What?!" He demanded.

"Really Will? Is this why you're calling me? Because Mac is pissed at you? This can hardly be the first time!" Caroline sounded absolutely incredulous.

He resisted the urge to pout. "First of all, I never said it was her and second of all I'm being vulnerable here! Shouldn't you be encouraging me to talk to you, not mock me?"

Amusement still lingering in her voice Caroline agreed, "Oh yes, of course Will, how dare I make assumptions or mock you...my poor, sad, vulnerable big brother."

He cut her off, "Alright, alright...I think I've had about enough empathy as I can stand from you."

She let out an amused giggle and then cleared her throat, "Okay then, let's do this, no games William; it is Mac we're talking about, isn't it?"

"Yes..." he grumbled.

"And why is she pissed at you?"

He rolled his head to the side and mumbled, "Because I did something she really didn't want me to do and then I was mean when she called me on it."

"Yeah, okay. Sounds like she has a very valid reason to be pissed at you." Caroline observed dryly.

"I guess so." He reluctantly agreed,

"So that doesn't sound like a difficult problem to me. Apologize. Done." She advised succinctly.

He rolled his eyes, "That only fixes the pissed at me problem."

"I'm confused Will, What's the other problem?"

He was quiet.

"What's the other problem Will?" She repeated.

"I don't know!" He exclaimed.

Caroline did not hide her skepticism, "What do you mean, you don't know?"

He slumped in defeat, "I don't know what comes next."

"You make sure she's not pissed at you and then you kiss her. Where's the confusion?"

Will grumbled, "I'm not sure I want to do that..."

"You don't want to kiss her?" She asked, clearly unconvinced.

He sighed "...Well..."

"I'm confused Will. Where is the problem here? This past weekend you were on the phone with her every chance you got and all you did was defend her to us and you just said she's the woman who's right for you...so where is the problem?"

He straightened in his chair, "Let's make this clear; I only called her twice."

All he got in response was his sister again laughing at him. "You were here for 48 hours. That's once a day."

"She's my EP. That's not unusual." He defended himself.

"So you were just talking to her about the show on a weekend in the middle of the night?"

"I could have been!" He insisted.

Caroline wasn't fooled, "Were you?"

"That's not the point!"

"What is the point?"

He sighed again. "I don't know."

"God, Will, you're infuriating." His sister murmured into the phone.

"In my own defense I do, in fact, know that." He drolly offered.

A moment of silent passed when he heard Caroline clear her throat and begin again, "Alright, because I'm still stuck on this let's get back to the beginning so I can figure out what the hell you want from me...it's obvious you love her, right?"

"_That's_ the problem." He yelled.

Caroline was quiet for a moment, giving him a chance to elaborate. When he didn't she clarified, "What's the problem? That you love her or that it's obvious?"

"That I love..." He looked nervously out to the news room then turned his chair so his back was to the door and lowered his voice, "That I love her. That's the problem."

Caroline was completely bewildered, "And why is this a problem?"

"Because I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life." He stated factually.

His sister was nonplussed, "Well this just keeps making less and less sense as you go on."

"Look," He leaned forward, balancing his elbows on his knees, "I love her so I'm never going to be happy with another woman."

"And why would you need another woman?" Asked Caroline, "You said this weekend that Mackenzie is your best friend. Don't you want to be with your best friend?"

"I can't!" He objected.

"Why Not?!"

He didn't say anything.

"Because she cheated on you?" Caroline answered for him.

"Yeah..."

It was quiet and he could here the sound of the screen door open and slap shut. He pictured his sister settling herself on the porch steps. "You spent a lot of time defending her last weekend." She began, "You said it was a one time mistake. That you wanted to forgive her. That she was your trusted partner. Is all that true?"

"Yes." He sighed.

"So she's your best friend?"

"Yes." He agreed.

"Trusted partner and adviser."

He nodded, "Yes."

"Does she make you smile?"

He flicked his eyes down, thinking of how every impossibly little cute thing she does makes him fight a grin off his face, "Yes."

"Does she do nice things for you?"

The image of the staff lined up around the office came to mind. Her pacing in his office talking of Don Quixote and pushing him to take on this great project. Refusing to leave his hospital room and refusing to give up on him.

"Yes." He answered quietly.

"Are you physically attracted to her?"

Again he thought of his hand under her skirt. Unbidden he conjured the feeling of his lips on her collarbone, and the cross between and gasp and squeal that she would release when his tongue...

He shifted in his seat and coughed to clear his throat, "Yes."

He heard what sounded suspiciously like a giggle and before Caroline sombered and asked the next question, "Do you believe she deserves to be forgiven?"

"Caroline..." He sighed.

She cut him off, "Ehh...please just yes or no."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, using all of his energy to pull forth what he knew the honest answer to be, "...Yes. She does."

"Do you want to be happy?"

Relieved at the easier question he quickly agreed, "Yes."

"Can you see yourself ever being happy with anyone else?"

He swallowed, "No."

"Can you see her making you happy?"

He sighed and thought about how happy he was when she had come into his office yesterday afternoon; how much he missed her when they were fighting, how her smile made him smile.

"Yes." He final answered.

"So what's the God Damn problem Will?!" Shouted Caroline at such a volume that he had to pull the phone from his ear.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head, "It can't be that simple."

She sighed, "It's not." She agreed softly, "Nothing ever is. And I'm still mad as hell when I think about how broken you were when you two broke up but that's because I'm your sister William. And as your sister it's my job to want you to be happy. I want you to be happy and she's what makes you happy. So forget everything else. Do you want to be with her Will?"

His eyes fell on a beaten manila folder on the corner of his desk with 'News Night 2.0' written on the tab in her familiar writing. Then he remembered the sting of her words yesterday when she mentioned updating her resume and the fear that filled him at that simple phrase.

He nodded, "I do. I really do."

Caroline sighed and he could tell she was smiling. "Then it is _that _simple."

"Why am I afraid to admit all this?" Will asked so quietly he wasn't sure Caroline could hear him.

"Because you're afraid of getting hurt again. Just think of it like the time when your ribs were broken at the football game Jr. year. We knew you were scared but you went out there again and Mom was so proud of you. Time to get off the mat Will. At this point you're hurting the both of you and neither of you deserve it. Suck it up and try being happy again."

He swallowed and looked down to the floor, "So, apologize then kiss her?" He checked.

"Yup," She confirmed, "Make sure she's accepted the apology first, otherwise you're liable to get slapped."

He smirked, "Thanks Sis."

"Love you."

He hung up the phone and braced his hands on his desk, smiling to himself.

"Apologize then kiss her." He murmured, then nodded resolutely and headed for the door.


	17. Chapter 17

He paused outside of Mac's office, taking a moment to watch her speed through the newspaper, highlighting as she went. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and he swallowed, how could he have been so foolish as to fight this for so long? He wanted to kick himself, all he had done was waste time.

Well, he wasn't going to waste any more! Taking a deep breath he entered the office without knocking.

She didn't look away from what she was working on and in the half second it took for Will to stumble onto what he wanted to say she spoke; effectively cutting him off, "Yes I saw you on the morning show and I'm sure you know exactly what I thought of it and I'm fairly certain I know exactly where you got the idea that _that_ was a good plan. I don't feel like rehashing yesterday's argument so unless you have some news for tonight's show I very much prefer if you leave so I can continue to put together something that resembles a news program for adults...or is that too risky for _your brand_?"

He stood, frozen, waiting for her to look at him. When she steadfastly continued her work he took a deep breath, "I'm sorry."

She picked her head up, clearly not expecting those words.

He tried not to smile at her expression but instead motivated himself to continue, "I let things get into my head and you're right; I am just projecting my own personal issues into a need to get affirmation from strangers and let people...a person...who has no right commenting on this show give me misguided advice which I acted on unilaterally and let everyone down because it's not _my_ brand it's _ours_. And I'm truly sorry for that."

She leaned back arching her eyebrows and crossing her arms.

"And I'm sorry for the completely shit way I've been treating you for the past few days. You don't deserve to have anyone, let alone me, belittle or minimize you. You were there when I needed you this weekend and...it scared me so I pushed you away."

Mac's jaw literally dropped in surprise at that admission.

As he spoke the weight in his chest began to lighten, encouraging him to keep going, "But I'm not doing that anymore. I didn't tell you when I started seeing Nina and that was wrong; you're my best friend Mac, and I should have told you. But I'm telling you now that she and I are through. Immediately after this morning's segment. "

"Will, you don't need to..." Mac was sitting straight in her chair but he cut her off.

"No, I do. Because I hurt you. I didn't mean to but I did. This whole past couple of days were just because I was feeling guilty so I let Nina give advice even though I had this London accent in my ear saying 'Billy, what the hell are you doing?'

"And it wasn't until this morning when I was standing there in that ridiculous studio with that ridiculous helmet that the voice said 'Told you so.' and I was so angry at myself for not listening to you."

Mac leaned back in her chair, an affectionate smile on her face as she tilted her head, more than happy to listen to Will ramble.

"The thing is, it's not just you; I never listen to anyone. Multiple times last weekend my siblings told me not to pretend I'm someone I'm not because I thought that was what they wanted to make them happy. Then I'm standing there this morning because she told me to be exactly that person who everyone I really care about knows that I'm not! I'm not the Midwestern farm boy; I'm a Northeast elitist prick with $70 t-shirts!"

"$140 dollars." Mac corrected.

"That's one shirt!" He argued.

She shrugged and smiled.

He shifted his weight, annoyed at having his rant interrupted, "_Anyway..._I was pissed off at myself for not listening to you. That's when I finally gave up. I've been fighting it and fighting it and fighting it but it's stupid and a waste of time. So I broke it off with her. She knew it wasn't going to last and it's because I'm a stupid ass that it even began in the first place. So now, and here's the part I think you'll like..."

"Oh I've been enjoying this quite a bit already." Mackenzie smirked dryly at him.

He glared at her for interrupting again, "Anyway! I get back to the office just now and there's Sloan sitting at my desk hurling psychology 101 at me and calling me Dukakis and talking about Goldilocks. She hit the nail on the head although I cut her off when she got to bit about needing to love myself. Because, here's the thing Mac, I wasn't just being a smart-ass. I can't love myself, I don't even like myself because I don't respect myself."

Mac bit her lip, her heart breaking for him at his word, "Billy..."

He sat in one of the chairs across from her and put his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward and locked eyes with honest intensity, "They say the children of abusers are more likely to be abused or become abusers themselves in adulthood. I thought the girls, Mark and I escaped that cliche but this weekend I realized how much we really, truly haven't. How can I respect myself with the things that I've done? I've told myself I've never hit anyone and I don't belittle the innocent and I am protective of children but none of that matters because I've spent two years emotionally beating the hell out of the woman that I love. What kind of man would do that?"

Mackenzie blinked rapidly, shaking her head, "Will..."

"No" He leaned back, "I have and you know it and the problem is that I have known it too. I've even said it out loud and had it said to me. Even Habib said once, 'You know you're hurting Mackenzie.' and I did know and I felt a pang of guilt but I kept doing it anyway. Tell me, how many times have you cried because of something I have purposefully and maliciously done?"

She began to open her mouth but he cut her off again, "Let me give you a hint, if it's more than 0 it's too many. I never hit you but that doesn't mean I haven't been beating the crap out of you."

She stood up and moved around the desk to sit in the chair next to him, reaching out to put a hand on his arm, "Will. You haven't. This is different. After what I did to you, anyone..."

"No!" He held up his hands, "Excuses are just that. I listened to my my mother give excuses and my sister rationalize and I won't allow it from you. Did you deserve to have me be angry at you? Yes. Did you deserve for me to be endlessly cruel to you? Absolutely not. Don't excuse me for that."

They sat in silence. His head bowed and Mac staring dumbly at him. She wanted to argue with him but didn't think she could change his mind. Her mind was running rapidly; did he say he loved her? She shook her head, this was not how she imagined this going at all. He was way too high strung right now so she needed to find a way to bring him down so they could talk on more even ground.

"Why were you feeling guilty?" She asked.

He picked up his head, "Hrm?"

"You said you let Nina talk to you about the numbers because you were feeling guilty. Why?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "I had shut her out since last weekend. The only person I wanted to talk about it with was you. She called me out on it and I felt bad so I thought market outreach was a safe ground, a place where I could let her in and she could feel like she was a part of my life. The problem was she gave me the wrong answers."

Mackenzie smirked, "Surprise." She couldn't help herself from commenting dryly.

"Yeah..." Will agreed leaning back and ran his hands over his face. "I don't know what to do next."

Mackenzie smiled sadly at him, daring to put a hand on his forearm, "Well you've already outlined a course of action. Respect yourself so you can like yourself so you can love yourself so you can let others love you."

He rolled his eyes, "Between you and Sloan I could save myself a lot of money on therapy."

She smiled, "You could save yourself a lot of money on therapy by only paying for the appointments you actually plan to go to."

He huffed out a laugh. He pushed himself out of his chair and moved to her window, looking down into the city. He thought back to the day Mackenzie came back to New York, how he had snapped at her and demeaned her and still she stood there in his face, pushing him to be the better man that she believed in. He shook his head, she really was unbelievable.

With out turning around he explained, "I can't respect myself until I forgive myself and I can't forgive myself until you forgive me."

Mackenzie's lower lip began to tremble. All this time and now he was asking for _her_ forgiveness? When did they swap roles? She opened her mouth to immediately pledge her forgiveness but she forced herself to pause. She needed him to know she didn't take this lightly and more importantly she needed to not take this lightly. She thought back over the past 2 years...the humiliating contract, the parade of women, the snide comments and quips, arguments, Brian...Nina...

She took a deep breath and steadied herself. She moved to stand behind him, speaking to his reflection in the window, "Yes, you've hurt me over the past years. You've made me angry and sad and frustrated beyond belief. But I forgive you because you've also been a good friend, supportive colleague, willing create this beautiful show with me and most of all because you've just been you and I love you Billy. I've always loved you and I can't imagine ever stopping. So you should start forgiving yourself because I'm holding nothing against you."

She watched his eyes go wide at her admission. He turned around and looked at her, as if he didn't trust the window to reflect reality. She shook her head, "Is it possible that you really didn't know that I still love you?"

He gave a half shrug and waved his hand vaguely, "I mean..."

Mackenzie stared at him, agape, "You're an idiot."

He smirked, "Funny. That's what Nina said."

Mackenzie stepped back. Not really wanting to talk about his recently ex-girlfriend but curious all the same. "What?"

He shrugged, "She asked why I thought you never responded to the voicemail and I told I had thought you moved on and she called me an idiot."

Now she was thoroughly confused. "Why would me not responding to the voicemail make you think I had moved on?"

Will looked down at his feet and took a deep breath before bringing his eyes up to meet hers, "Because in the voicemail I told you I never stopped loving you."

He watched the emotions cross Mackenzie's face, "_THAT BITCH!_"

He jumped back, completely taken by surprise at her reaction. "_I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! I BLOODY CAN'T BELIEVE IT!_"

She backed away leaned her hands on her desk, shaking her head.

Will put up his hands as he stepped closer to her, "What was that about?"

Mackenzie sighed and straightened but couldn't quite meet his eyes. "I asked her about the message once."

His eyebrows climbed his forehead, "What?"

Mackenzie sighed, "Did you ever notice I stopped pestering you about the voicemail? She and I were talking once and she said she owed me and I almost stopped myself but I didn't and I asked her what the message said. She fed me some bullshit about how she couldn't really remember it but that it was something along the lines of how you just wanted to tell me I did a really great job that night. Now I find out that not only is that NOT what the message said but she clearly remembered it, knew it, knew how I felt about you, knew how you felt about me and not only lied about it but she fucked you anyway! I didn't want to be the shrill, jealous ex-girlfriend but you know what Will? I fucking hated that you were dating her and now I hate it even more. And how could _you_ still do whatever nasty things you did with her after that conversation?!" She pushed him in the chest and backed away crossing her arms.

"Hey, hey, hey..." he followed her, closing the distance again. "Didn't we just talk about how I'm an ass and have been hurting you the past 2 years and how I hate myself for it?"

Mackenzie nodded.

"So..." he shrugged, "I'm an ass. A complete ass and I know it and I feel terrible about it and I didn't know you two talked about the message or that she lied about it and I didn't really believe it was possible that you could possibly still love me and you have every right to hate her and I don't think you're shrill or out of line at all. Hell, I'm pretty sure that part of the reason I didn't tell you was because part of me knew it would hurt you and just how much of a complete cad I was being."

She looked up at him, finally making eye contact. He smiled softly at her, "But I'm not with her anymore, I don't want to be with her or anyone else and I'm sorry. Do you still forgive me?"

Mackenzie bit her bottom lip and looked down at her fingers before looking back up at him and nodding. "Yes,I forgive you."

"Good." He nodded, stepping into her space. "Caroline said I needed to make sure you accepted my apology before I kiss you, she didn't want me to get slapped." He smirked as Mackenzie's eyes went wide and she took in a sharp gasp.

His smile faltered as a look of sadness came over her face, "Mac?"

She looked up at him with love in her eyes and a sad smile on her face, "Oh Billy." She ducked her head into his chest. Automatically his arms wrapped themselves around her. He tucked his face into her hair and felt her tremble against him.

"Mac, what is it? What's wrong?"

He felt her steady herself with a deep breath and push slowly away from him with a hand on his chest. "Will, you broke up with your girlfriend of 6 months this morning. Your father died this weekend. You're constantly looking for affirmation from people and you've just gone through two major blows to that."

He furrowed his brow, completely confused, "Mac, what...?"

She stepped back. "Will, I've wanted you to want to kiss me again for 5 years now but it can't be just because you're feeling sad or lonely or vulnerable or whatever else is going through your head."

He shook his head, bewildered, "Did you not hear me? I love you Mac. I want to be with you Mac. We're supposed to be together. I've just been fighting against it because I was hurt."

Mac crossed her arms, "And you're suddenly not hurt now?"

He deflated, staring at her, begging his brain for the right thing to say, "I...I mean if I think about it, the memory of that will always hurt but that's not what's important. I want to be with you. I told you before, you make me feel better. Not being with you is just stupidity."

Mackenzie laughed but didn't move to step closer, "Will, you have to understand. You've been hating me for so long; naturally I have some doubt when you all of a sudden come in here and..."

"I haven't hated you for a long time Mac." He stepped closer again but she shook her head.

"I just need to be sure this is real, Will. I don't think I could handle it if I let...what ever this is...go on and then in a week or a couple of days you realize that you are still angry or that you've moved on and this is all just misplaced emotion. It would kill me if you broke it off, Billy. I really think it would."

He stood, unable to process what was happening,"So you don't want me to kiss you?"

She shook her head, looking so sad that it was all he could do from ignoring her protests and wrapping her in his arms again. "I do. You have no idea how much I do. But that's the point Will. This needs to be real."

He grasped her hands in his and looked keenly into her eyes, "What do I need to do to prove to you that this is real?"

She smiled up at him, "Time Billy. Just give yourself time."

He brought up his hand to cup her cheek, "5 years isn't enough time?"

Mackenzie shook her head, "You know what I mean."

He nodded, with a mock stern expression, "What if I disagree? I'm not a patient man."

She shrugged, "I don't know what to tell you Billy."

He smirked, invading her space even more and dropping his voice to a low whisper, "May be I can change your mind? I've been told I'm very persuasive."

Mackenzie felt her neck flush and she had to swallow before she nodded, "I look forward to being persuaded."

Will smiled and then unable to resist he brought his lips to her forehead and left a lingering kiss.

He stepped back, "Okay then. I guess I have work to do." With a wink and a grin he left the office leaving a flustered and excited Mackenzie to drop into a chair.

* * *

_A/N SORRY! I know people were looking forward to them kissing but I just couldn't do that yet...it would be too fast. BUT now we get to finish out the story with some fun fluff of charming, sweet Will trying to convince Mac he loves her...because we all need reasons to love Will more :-)_


	18. Chapter 18

Will returned to his office, confused but determined. He looked down at his phone to see the message light blinking.

_-Jason: Hey Uncle Will I heard u on the phone with Mom.-_  
_-I was, yeah. She said you've been practicing. Good for you!-_  
_-Jason: Yeah. I figured something out.-_  
_-What's that?-_  
_-Jason: U were rite - girls like smiles but they also like boys who play guitar!-_

Will laughed out loud at his nephew's revelation of an important universal truth.

_-Yes. They do. Keep up the good work young man!-_

Will put down his phone and leaned back in his chair bringing his fingers to his lips. Jason was right, girls like smiles and guitars...and Will could think of a few other things that they like too...

He sat up and got to work.

* * *

A few hours later Mac had collected herself and managed to mostly focus on her work. _Mostly._ Unbidden her thoughts continued to return to Will and the unbelievably unexpected conversation. She had woken up this morning pissed as hell at him and thinking he really thought less of her than the dirt on his shoes. Then she saw that humiliating display on ACN morning and only became more pissed at him. Then he was suddenly apologizing and professing his love and asking for forgiveness and wanting to kiss her? She replayed the conversation over and over in her head, still unable to believe it. As the hours passed and she didn't see him again she became worried that she had done the wrong thing; did he think she was outright rejecting him? Would he go back to covering his wounded pride? Had she just blown her only shot at being happy again?

She sighed and dropped her head on the desk. It was time for the run down and she was procrastinating because for once she was afraid to see him.

She took a deep breath, she had also afraid to see him 2 years ago when she had come to New York but that didn't stop her. She wasn't going to let this stop her. After all, after she told him no he _had_ technically kissed her. That's not what he would have done if he was upset...not to mention then winked at her. _Winked!_ Will McAvoy doesn't _wink!_ The last time she saw him wink was years ago when they were in bed and he had made a bad pun about Australia...

She flushed at the memory. Okay, time to focus, do the run down and no more thinking about Will winking.

Unfortunately for her Will was not about to make it easy on her. He was already in the conference room as she and the other staffers arrived. He was leaning back in his chair, knee propped on the table and a yellow legal pad in his lap. Putting on a frown he grumbled, "Wasn't this meeting supposed to start 3 minutes ago? What's up; were you distracted by something in your office?" and then he winked at her again! She immediately blushed and tripped over her own feet as she made her way to the opposite head of the table. Will smirked.

She took a deep breath and glared at him, "No...should I have been?"

He pouted but said nothing more, allowing her to go ahead and run the meeting. The meeting was brief and straight forward but she couldn't help but be distracted by the fact that Will seemed to not be paying any attention, all of his focus on his notepad where he would occasionally write something before appearing to be in deep thought.

At the end of the meeting Mac called out to him, "Well that looks good to me. Will? What do you think? Or are you too busy with your doodles?"

He looked up, "I'll have you know I'm not doodling, it's a list of important ideas that I've been working very hard on all morning."

Martin leaned over to try and verify but Will slapped the notepad to his chest. Mac crossed her arms disbelievingly, "Okay. Well then we can review those later. Everyone else get to work, let's lock this down and I'll see you all again 6."

Will waited while the rest of the room filtered out. He met Mackenzie at the door and slipped his notepad on to her stack of binders, "This is my list. Let me know what things you think I should be going after." Then he walked away.

Mackenzie glanced at the list and promptly tripped over her feet again. Gratefully she caught herself and prevented her papers from going flying. She quickly disappeared into her office and sat down as she picked up Will's list again.

**Ways to Convince Mac that Will REALLY Loves Her**  
-Tell her  
-Tell her every day  
-Smile more  
-Flowers  
-Chocolate  
-Sexy voicemails...double check that Reese has stopped hacking  
-Sing her a song  
-Write her a song  
-Stop smoking inside  
-Do everything she says with out argument at work  
-Do my best to put on a really good show everynight  
-Don't make fun of her shoes  
-Compliment her shoes  
-Pull her into an empty elevator and kiss that spot on her neck by her collarbone that makes her do that thing  
-Write her a love note  
-Singing candygram?  
-Take her out to a fancy restaurant  
-Buy her drinks  
-Take her stargazing  
-Contrive an opportunity to slow dance  
-change back to that soap that she said she likes the smell of  
-Buy her jewlery  
-Be a happier person  
-Buy her a stuffed animal  
-Be nicer to the staff; especially the ones she likes  
-Find any excuse to touch her  
-Wear those slacks thats she likes  
-Wear those blue shirts she likes  
-Come in in the morning with messy hair  
-Make her smile  
-Make her laugh  
-Say Thank You more often  
-Buy a nightlight for my bedroom and tell her about it  
-Cook her a meal  
-Call her every time I have a dream about her  
-Start telling stories of all my favorite memories  
-Stop teasing her for subtracting with her fingers  
-Touch her when noone is looking  
-Leave a single rose on her desk  
-Wink at her and hope she knows I thinking of all the things I wish I was doing with her  
-Stop resisting the urge to stare at her legs  
-Stop resisting the urge to stare at her ass  
-Stop resisting the urge to stare at her breasts...especially during rundown meetings when she leans over the table and I can see straight down her cleavage  
-Pay another 3 million dollars to amend my contract so that she is the only person allowed to be my EP  
-Tell Sloan...who will then tell everyone...Peer pressure!  
-Tell Charlie  
-Call her parents  
-Buy a billboard  
-Give her the time and space that she wants...but make sure she knows you'd like it to be much, much, much shorter...as in time served.  
-Give her this list

She was smiling softly at the list when Sloan stuck her head in to her office, "Hey."

Mac looked up, "Hi."

The economist eased herself into the room and was careful to shut the door behind her before approaching Mackenzie's desk, "Do you know what's up with Will?"

Mac furrowed her brow, "What do you mean?"

Sloan shrugged, "I don't know. This morning we had a little heart to heart and he was annoyed and feeling bad about the morning show but now it's as if that never happened. He's been smiling and giving people compliments and I think it's kind of creeping people out. It's only been a couple of hours but there's already a rumor that he's dying or something."

Mac tried to contain the automatic look of horror that crossed her face at the thought of Will being sick.

Sloan's eyes grew wide, "Oh my god he's not, is he?"

Mac smiled quickly and shook her head, "No. Of course not."

Sloan sat in the chair across from her, "So what do you think it is?"

Mac looked back down at the list and smiled, "Number 3, 23 and 25." She counted aloud to herself.

Sloan tilted her head, "Uh Mac? Was I supposed to understand that? Because I didn't."

Mackenzie looked up again and narrowed her eyes at Sloan, "Will didn't tell you anything, did he?"

Sloan shrugged, "Like what? He tells me lots of things."

"About this morning?" Mackenzie asked.

"That he apologized for making a fool of himself on ACN morning?" Sloan clarified. "Yeah. We talked about that."

Mackenzie sat back in her chair, "Did you talk to him at all after?"

"Why?"

"Sloan!" Mackenzie snapped, "Did you talk to Will anytime after your discussion earlier?"

Sloan shrugged, "No, not really. I means I saw him at the run down just like you. But he looked distracted. Then I stopped by his office just now to ask him what was up with him he told me to talk with you. But he just looked like he was super focused on writing the script."

Mac leaned back and smiled knowingly. "Well I guess that was nice of him."

Sloan squinted at Mac, "What was nice of him?"

Mackenzie bit her lip and regarded her friend carefully. "He's leaving number 45 to me."

Sloan leaned forward, "Mac. Stop talking crazy. What is number 45?"

Mackenzie smiled, "You." She hesitated a minute, "Contrary to what it says I'd like to trust you to keep this quiet."

"What quiet?" Demanded an increasingly agitated Sloan.

Mackenzie didn't say anything but instead handed the list over to Sloan who almost dropped it with excitement when she read the title.

"KENZIE!"

Mac smiled and leaned back, embracing herself in a self hug as Sloan stood and paced the room reading the list half aloud and half to herself.

"Flowers? Sexy voicemails? Girl you have _got_ to tell me about those...Write her a song?! _Slow dancing_? Change his _soap_? What slacks do you think he means? The dark gray ones? And why messy hair? You like his hair messy? _Awww._..make her smile? Single rose...wink at her and...oh boy..._oh boy_...3 million dollars? What the hell does he mean by _another_ 3 million? A billboard? Give her time?!"

Sloan stopped her pacing and looked incredulously over at Mac, "Why on _Earth_ would he need to give you time? Why do you _want_ time? Do you _see_ this list? I've _never_ thought of Will this way and the list makes _me_ want to jump him. How are you still sitting there?!"

Mac twisted in her chair, "It's complicated Sloan, you know that."

Sloan dropped back into the chair in front of the desk and leaned forward, "No. It _was_ complicated. Not now. Now it's clear and easy...you love him and he loves you and wants to buy you chocolate and compliment your shoes and drag you into empty elevators! Where is the problem here because I swear I'm not seeing it."

Mackenzie smiled at her friend, Will certainly had the peer pressure factor down. "I know. And I'll tell you what I told him. I love him and I want to be with him but I won't be able to stand it if he changes his mind and he's been through a lot this past week and I just want to make sure this isn't just some misguided reaction to everything. I need to give him the time to be sure that his feelings are real. Because once I move forward with this I'm not looking back."

Sloan slowly leaned back in her chair, "Okay. I don't like it, but I get it."

Mackenzie nodded, "Thank you."

Sloan crossed her arms, "How long are you going to make him wait for?"

Mac gave a small shrug as she picked up the list again, "I don't know but I have a feeling he's going to make it very difficult."


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: Sorry for the sudden pause in updates! I had to travel out of state for a weekend and didn't have much time to escape and write. Thank you for the ongoing reviews, I've never had this many for a story and it's a bit overwhelming! I am thinking that this plus 1, maybe 2, more chapters before we're at the end. I am also totally distracted by last night's episode…so hard to think about flirty happy Will after that episode! But we travel on because in this universe Will IS happy and flirty because that's the way I like him! :-)_

* * *

Mackenzie was right; Will was not going to make it easy on her.

The next day Charlie called them up to his office and Mackenzie stood nervously as she and Will waited in the elevator lobby. Yesterday when she read his list she thought it was sweet but she hadn't actually believed he would do something so brazen as try to make out in an elevator. The past 16 hours had challenged her to rethink that assumption.

It had started with that next run down meeting at 6 yesterday.

She had prepped herself for having to again deal with flirty, distracted Will. As she left her office she could see that just like the previous meeting he was the first one in the conference room but unlike last time he was sitting forward with several folders in front of him.

As the rest of the staff filtered in he smiled at everyone and greeted them by name or with a joke. A few looked cautiously at Mac before smiling and joking back. Will raised his eyebrows in surprise when Sloan stepped in and took a seat to the side of the room. Jim turned to see her, "You're sitting in on the rundown?"

Sloan shrugged and smiled broadly at Will, "I just wanted to observe." She then leaned forward and whispered in Will's ear "I've got your back."

Mac rolled her eyes but ignored her friend and pointedly tried to ignore the smug smile on Will's face, especially when his eyes began to drift lower than her face...

She cleared her throat and tried to discretely minimize her cleavage.

"Okay. Let's get started. We're going to lead with the Coup in Mali?"

Will leaned forward, "Yeah, I've done a preliminary outline of the script, Jim, I'd appreciate it if you had a couple minutes after to look it over? We need to decide what emphasis we are going with here; I think it may make sense to pivot directly to Syria but perhaps we should spend an extra 60 on the political history of Mali?"

Mac stood back slightly stunned as Jim dove into the conversation about the best way to portray the story. Shortly Will was also soliciting input from Gary and Martin. As the meeting continued each story received the same treatment; Will had come prepared with his own thoughts but carefully pulled more information and opinion from everyone in the room. Sloan even became an eager participant discussing the economic perspective of the student protests in Montreal. At one point Mac found herself unable to stop herself from staring and smiling at Will as he leaned across the table in a dynamic, rapid fire exchange with Neal and Kendra about the Trayvon Martin rally in New York.

By the end it had been one of their longest 6pm rundown meetings ever but everyone was smiling and energized, confident that the broadcast was as well prepared as it ever could be.

Mac waited by the door with her arms crossed as Will gathered his papers in front of him.

"That was productive." She commented.

He smiled and stepped so he was just barely encroaching on her personal space, "Just making sure we have the three I's and an A covered, boss."

She swallowed deeply, quickly looking away from his penetrating gaze. "Yes well I think it's shaped up to be a good show this evening."

He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, "Any show that you're running is going to be a good show."

Her mouth opened but she found herself absolutely unable to speak.

He gave her a quick squeeze the stepped away holding the door open, "Come on, let's get to work on our show."

She nodded mutely and walked out the door, trying not jump when she felt his hand land for a moment on the small of her back.

He had remained in the bull pen smiling and working with the team and unabashedly looking her over whenever she walked by.

She had to admit it felt great to so obviously have his attention but it was also a serious distraction which the bastard was all too aware of; during the broadcast he continually made sly comments during commercial breaks which caused her to completely blank on what she was supposed to be telling people in the control room.

At the end of the night Will caught her as she left her office and put a gentle hand on her hip, squeezing oh so lightly as he said "Goodnight Dulcinea. I look forward to tomorrow."

Less than an hour later she had received a text with a picture of a nightlight plugged in next to his bed

_-Will; Do you like it? Just picked it up on the way home. If you ever need comfort in the middle of the night it will always be here...and so will I.-_

She hadn't responded, not sure what to say without leading him on or discouraging him.

Things had been quiet for 3 hours and thanks to a (large) glass of wine she was able to calm herself down and reaffirm in her head that she was doing the right thing. Then came the phone call.

"''ello?"

She wasn't asleep yet but she had been close to nodding off on her couch and her voice was thick.

He skipped the pleasantries, "Normally I would have sat here thinking of a valid sounding excuse to call you but I don't have any fake reasons tonight. I just had a dream and it made me need to hear your voice."

"Will..." she sighed, half annoyed, half touched.

He continued, ignoring her, "We were on a beach like that one we went to in Aruba? With the pink sand? Well we were sitting there and you were going to get a sunburn so I was rubbing sunscreen on your back, and then you turned over and I didn't stop..."

"Billy..." She was unable to articulate a response and couldn't help the quickening of her pulse as she pictured in her mind the scene he was setting as he slowly described making passionate love to her on a tropical beach.

"...and you were saying my name in that soft way you do and it was so good Kenz, so good. And we just lay there, my fingers in your hair and your hand on my chest and it was so peaceful and perfect. But then I was annoyed with my subconscious because suddenly we were at work and you were nervous that you would have sunscreen on your blouse. So I guess I'm calling to ask you, what do you think that means?"

She had to take a deep breath before she was able to find her voice. Trying to sound annoyed, she replied, "It means that I need to go take a cold shower now thanks to you."

She swore she could hear his smirk, "Or you could just come over here..."

She sighed, "Good night Billy."

She had hung up the phone and indeed taken a cold shower. But as soon as she got out of the shower she noticed he had called her back and left a voicemail.

After listening to the voicemail she had to get back in the shower.

She didn't end up sleeping very well at all for the rest of the night. It seemed that her subconscious dreams were all too happy to continue Will's work of breaking down her defenses.

If that all weren't enough when she arrived at work the next morning she was greeted by a smirking Will holding a latte for her and dressed in those charcoal pants she loved and the blue shirt that made his eyes shine with adorably uncombed hair. She had smiled shyly and immediately ducked into her office only to be confronted by a small stuffed bear sitting on her desk holding a rose and a small card. She picked up the card and smiled when she read it. "This is real. -Love, B"

So now, here she stood next to him in front of the elevators and so anxious that she feared she was going to give herself a heart attack. The doors opened to reveal Millie, Charlie's assistant, who was also heading up to the executive floor. Mac couldn't decide if her shoulders had sagged in relief or disappointment at the realization they would not have an elevator to themselves.

It did take all of her effort not to squirm when Will leaned over to her and whispered in her ear, "Too bad. Better luck next time."

By the time they had reached Charlie's office Mac was such a bundle of nerves that she couldn't stay still. When she paced the room for the third time in as many minutes Charlie stopped his diatribe on Syria to look at her with concern, "What the hell is going on with you today?"

Mac shook her head, "Nothing." But she wasn't quick enough to prevent herself from casting a quick glare at Will which of course Charlie was keen enough to pick up on.

The older newsman turned his attention to Will, "What have you done this time?"

Will just shrugged from the chair where he was comfortably reclined, "Just flirting."

Charlie narrowed his eyes; surely Will wasn't_ that_ insensitive, "With whom?"

Will smiled, "With Mac of course. Wouldn't dream of flirting with anyone else." He twisted and his seat and winked at her again.

The gesture, and her runaway imagination reading into it, was enough for her knees to go weak and she dropped into a chair on the other side of the room.

Charlie's eyes widened and he cocked his head to the side, "And why are you flirting with your EP?"

As if he were commenting on the weather Will explained, "Because I love her and I'm hoping she'll get the message. Although she seems to think this is just some kind of manic break from reality. Don't worry, I'm not giving up."

"In it for the long haul?" Charlie asked wryly, a grin slowly splitting his face.

"Damn straight." Will agreed.

Mac dropped her head in to her hands and groaned.

Charlie smiled softly, "Is there a problem Mackenzie?"

She shook her head, "Charlie, he really doesn't need any more encouragement."

Will smirked, "You're right! You're all the encouragement I need!"

Mac rolled her eyes and leaned back, looking at the ceiling.

Charlie shook his head. "Well as happy as I am that you've finally got your head out of your ass Will, why don't you head back down. I need a couple of minutes with Mac."

Will narrowed his eyes at the older man but relented and move to leave the office. He stopped at the door, looking back at Mackenzie, "Mac, should I wait for you so we can go down in the elevator together?"

Mac just groaned again and dropped her head in her hands.

Will shrugged, "I'll take that as a no…for now!" and left the room.

Charlie watched him leave before sitting in the chair across from Mac. He smiled when she looked warily at him. "Don't worry, I didn't ask to speak with you so I could push you on the subject."

Mac sighed, "Thank you."

Charlie's face grew serious, "I _did_ want to check that you were okay. It appears Will is a man on a mission and although I applaud his sudden turn around I don't want it to be at your expense. If he's pushing boundaries, I want you to tell me so I can stop him before this goes too far."

Mac shot her head up, eyes wide, "Oh Charlie, no!" She reached out a hand and covered his. "No, he's not doing anything I haven't wanted him to do or say for years. It's just a little overwhelming as I'm still trying to be the responsible one here."

Charlie smiled in amusement, "Responsible? Why?"

She tilted her head and look knowingly at him, "Like you said, it's awfully sudden."

Charlie's eyes lit with understanding, "You doubt his seriousness."

Mackenzie shrugged, "Don't I have good reason to?"

Charlie squinted in thought, "Maybe you do." He leaned forward, insistently holding eye contact, "But I'm telling you that you shouldn't. That boy has been head over heels, non-stop, for a long, long time."

Mackenzie smiled and looked down. Intrinsically she knew that Will loved her but it felt good knowing that Charlie knew it too. "I don't doubt his love Charlie. I do doubt if he's ready to be with me again."

Charlie scoffed, "Well I can tell you that you're wrong. But even if you're not, how are you ever going to know if you don't allow yourselves to move forward?"

She shrugged, "I was hoping it would come to me?"

The older man smirked, "I'm sorry to tell you this my dear, but it doesn't work that way. No divine deity is going to come in to your office and tell you that you don't need to be scared any more. It's something that you just need to decide to do for yourself."

Mac nodded, "I know. I do. And I appreciate you looking out for me and trying to assuage my doubts."

Charlie nodded and returned to his desk, "Mac, I love you both and will be there for both of you regardless of what happens in the future but don't forget, while you're waiting to not be afraid, you're wasting time for both of you. I told this to Will not long after you came back and it's still good advice so I'm going to say it again; on the off chance you aren't going to live forever why not take a shot at being happy now?"

Mac paused, biting her lip, "You were talking about me that way back then?"

Charlie nodded, "Less than a year after you came back."

Mac nodded slowly, unsure of what to make of this revelation.

Charlie smiled at her, "He's been scared too and he's taken his time but don't think he's only decided yesterday that you're the most important person in his life."

Mackenzie nodded as she left the office, her mind rushing. Perhaps Charlie was right. Perhaps her plan to force Will to wait was doing nothing but wasting time...


	20. Chapter 20

To Mac's frustration the day had ended up being one mini crisis after another and she and Will hadn't had an opportunity to speak since she came back from Charlie's office. Even the run down meetings were continually being interrupted leaving one to remain running the meeting while the other left to deal with the problem.

Just because there wasn't time to have a real conversation didn't mean that Will hadn't been able to make time to continue his mission. Not only was he continuing his stepped up efforts on the show and with the staff, he managed to always have a whispered comment at the ready whenever they passed each other.

_"Have I mentioned how I love that skirt?"_

_"I'm blown away by how amazing you are."_

_"Those shoes do amazing things for your legs."_

_"I could listen to your voice all day. I can't wait until you're in my ear tonight."_

She began to anticipate where he was in the room and when they would be in close proximity so she could adequately steel herself and school her features to remain professional.

It was nearly 5 minutes to air when she realized that she didn't know where he was.

"He went out to the balcony." Jim interrupted her thoughts as she stood, scanning the room for signs of Will.

"What?"

Jim smirked, "Will. He went out to the balcony like a minute ago."

Mac smiled and shook her head, "Oh, no I wasn't…I mean I…"

Jim's smirk turned into an honest smile and he placed a calming hand on her shoulder. "It's okay Mac. We've all known something was going to happen eventually. I'm happy for you guys."

She stilled, "Wait, what do you think is happening?"

Jim shook his head and looked around the room, "I honestly don't know Mac. All I know is that Will is happy and blatantly flirting with you and that you've been wandering around for the past day and a half with a school girl smile on your face."

She pouted and crossed her arms, "I have not!"

Jim nodded, "Yes. You have. And it turns into something not quite so innocent each time you catch Will checking you out…which has been _all_ _day_."

Mac could feel the heat rise up her neck and she looked down to her shoes.

Jim stepped closer and lowered his voice, "Is something wrong? What's going on?"

She shook her head and looked up at Jim with moisture in her eyes, "You all could tell there's something going on?"

Jim nodded slowly, "Yeah, I mean Will hasn't been exactly trying to hide it. Hell, half the girls here were ready to swoon when they saw him put the bear and rose in your office this morning."

Mac's eyes went wide. She had assumed he had sneaked in early, that this was a private game between the two of them. But he wasn't hiding anything; he didn't seem to care who knew that he was actively pursuing her. It was one thing for him to wear his heart on his sleeve for her and Sloan and Charlie…but in front of everyone?

She gave Jim a trembling smile, "I guess it really is real."

Jim frowned, "What's what, now?"

She smiled and shook her head, patting the younger man's arm reassuringly. "He's outside?"

Still visibly confused Jim nodded, "Yeah."

She smiled as she made her way across the room, surprised that she wasn't more self conscious about her love life being so public. She supposed her and Will's relationship had been public with the staff since day 1 what with the yelling…or day 5 when she sent an email to more than 100,000 people…or a few months later when it was broadcast to nearly a million viewers thanks to ACN morning… come to think of it, perhaps she couldn't be happier that her closest coworkers knew that something good was brewing.

She found him leaning against the wall of the terrace, smoking a cigarette.

She stopped just outside the door, "What are you doing out here?"

He turned, a smile on his face as he flicked his cigarette. "I wanted a smoke."

She crossed her arms, "So?"

He shrugged, "You hate it when I smoke inside. If you've changed your mind about that I'm happy to go back in seeing as it's barely 50 degrees out here."

She smiled at him, conflicting with her stern shake of her head and tone, "No sir. If you want to stay warm than perhaps you'll just stop filling your lungs with cancer."

He shrugged, "It's the middle of March. The weather will be getting warmer soon."

She stepped closer, arms still crossed, "And what happens next fall when it starts to get cold again?"

He smirked, "Then I'll just have to hope that you're around to warm me up and help take care of me after I get pneumonia from following your crazy rules."

She dropped her arms and narrowed her eyes, "You think it's the _standing outside_ that's going to give you the pneumonia, not_ the smoking_?!"

He shrugged, "I'm just saying. I'm willing to risk making myself sick for you."

She rolled her eyes, "That may just be the most romantic thing you've said yet, Romeo."

He snickered and she continued to shake her head. He began to stub out the cigarette butt and she was allowing herself to look him over when she suddenly stopped herself.

"What the hell is going on with your tie?"

He looked down at himself, "What?"

"It's a bungled mess. Did you let a 10 year old do that for you?"

He shook his head, "Nah, it was giving me trouble so I just twisted it around and tightened it a little differently than normal but it looks fine."

She gesticulated in frustration, "It most certainly does not look fine. You're really okay going on the air like that?"

He just shrugged again.

"Ugh." She shook her head in disgust and moved forward to untie the mess of a knot he had made and began twisting the fabric into a proper windsor for him.

She was part way through the motions when she felt his hands wrap themselves steadily around her waist and slide up and down drawing lazy shapes on the curve of her backside.

She felt the heat rising up her collarbone and she tilted her head up to see his face tilted down to hers, his eyes dark and dilated.

He was going on the air in all of 3 minutes. They didn't have time for a conversation, never mind time for _this_…whatever this was.

She cleared her throat, "'_Trick her into tying my tie_' wasn't on the list, Billy."

He smirked and keeping his hands low he pulled her closer to him so their bodies were flush and he could whisper in her ear, "I'm improvising."

She closed her eyes and her hands dropped the tie and slid over the planes of his shoulders, coming back to rest alongside his neck. He was warm compared to the cool air and she could feel his pulse beating under her hand as her thumbs slowly began to glide over his skin. When her hand wrapped behind his head and began to stroke the hair there he let out a hiss and pulled her impossibly closer to him.

She gasped as she felt the evidence of his desire against her hip. Not that she was surprised, she was practically there herself. The only thing stopping her was…

Was…

The show!

Right, the show.

Dammit. The show!

She closed her eyes and summoned the will to push herself away from him.

Dear lord, they had simply embraced and she was flush and breathing as if she had just jogged up a flight of stairs.

It was obvious that he had not intended for things to progress like that either as he seemed to cast about to regain his control, coughing in to his hand and distractedly smoothing out his shirt, "Uh, yeah, almost time I guess?"

Mac nodded, barely trusting herself to speak, "A little under 2 minutes."

He avoided looking at her but nodded, indicating his half tied tie, "I'm umm…just going to fix this on my own."

She smiled, "I don't know if I should trust you to do that."

He looked at her, a wicked grin on his face, "Well we certainly can't trust you to do it, we'll miss the whole broadcast."

Mac shrugged, "I doubt it. Someone would come find us. May be Maggie or Don. Charlie if he's around."

Will rolled his eyes and let out a weak chuckle, "Thanks for that. Imagining that scenario is just what I needed to calm myself down."

She smirked at him, "Literally."

He looked at her, a warm smile on his face. "So my plan is working?"

She shrugged non-committedly, "I may be enjoying having you pursue me."

He grinned, "Well I am definitely enjoying pursuing you."

She smiled, "Well it's Friday so after the broadcast I'll be going to Hang Chews if you'd like to continue your pursuit."

His eyebrows climbed, "How kind of you to provide me a map."

She shrugged, "It occurred to me you might need help; historically you've been a little slow."

He dared to step close and drop his voice, "You used to love it when I went slow."

She flushed again and began to stammer a response when Jim appeared at the door.

"Guys? 60 seconds…."

"Oh!" Mac stepped back, froze, gave Will one last small smile before turning and running full speed to the control room.

Will put his hands in his pockets and sauntered to the door as if he were a man with all the time in the world.

"Jim," He asked as they walked down the hall, "You have your guitar here?"

Unsure what was happening Jim nodded, "Yeah…"

Will smiled and clapped him on the back, "Be sure to stop by and see me before you go to the bar after the broadcast."


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N: This might be the last chapter...at least it's the last one in my head at the moment. I have a little voice telling me I need to somehow bring this full circle with Will's sibilings one last time but I'm not 100% sure how'd I get there. If I do then I'll post it as an epilogue but I'm going to mark this as complete for now. There is another Jeff Daniels song in this story...It's called 'When My Fingers Find Your Strings' and it's awesome. Youtube it! If you like his music I'd also suggest "Are you as excited about me as I am". _

_Anyway...Thank you for your readership and support and comments. It's always fun to put a story to paper just for myself but seeing people actually following along and actually liking it...well it blows my mind...especially considering this is an international site; it is so cool to be making connections with people across the world! This has been my favorite story writing process to date so thank you again for that! ~TJ_

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The broadcast had gone smoothly and when Will had launched stray commentary at her during breaks she had served them right back, ignoring the staff in the room and instead very much enjoying the one time she was actually able to make him blush the moment before they came back from commercial.

By the time she had extricated herself from the post broadcast wrap up and looked around the studio Will was nowhere to be found, the lights in his office were off indicating he had left.

She assumed he had left for the bar with the staff and tried not to feel disappointed that he hadn't waited for her. She shook her head, resolving not to get caught up on the small things but she couldn't help but allow the thought to distract her as Sloan urged her from the building and down the street.

Arriving at Hang Chews she was disappointed to note that although the staff was in their regular place, Will was not among them as she had assumed he might be. Nor was he at his corner seat at the bar.

Still making the effort to keep silent the her little voice of doubt she began to run through all their interactions during the day to see if there was some hint as to where he might be or if something had happened to make him decide against coming out tonight.

She and Sloan settled into the half booth across from the rest of the staff; close enough to be able to lob commentary back and forth but far enough that they could speak without necessarily being overheard.

Sloan looked around, "Where is he?"

Mac shrugged, giving up any pretense, "I don't know. I've been trying to think where he might be but I was pretty sure he'd be coming here tonight."

Sloan pouted, "I hope he does. Watching you two has made the past two work days infinitely more entertaining."

Mac rolled her eyes, "You don't need to sound so voyeuristic about it."

Sloan grinned, "What can I say; I'm a sucker for a good love story and if you haven't noticed, I'm busy during primetime so I don't get to catch a lot of TV."

"Don't you have a DVR?"

Sloan nodded, "Yes, and it has every single episode of How I Met Your Mother on it… Though I've only been able to actually sit and watch the first episode. Someday I'll watch it all because a title like that really makes you curious, doesn't it? I mean really, when _does_ he meet their mother?"

Mac just stared at her friend, completely baffled. She was saved from having to respond by some commotion up at the karaoke stage.

"Hi everyone," The bartender / part owner, Judith, was on the stage, getting people's attention, "Everyone here knows that we are the best karaoke bar in lower Manhattan and I promise we will continue giving you all the mic soon but we've had a special request so we're going to break it up a little bit. Please welcome to the stage, Billy Mac!"

There was a smattering of polite applause but Mackenzie's jaw dropped. Billy Mac was the ridiculous name that Will had anointed himself one night after mastering a particularly challenging guitar chart and declaring his musical victory made him a delta blues man who needed an appropriate moniker to match. In their more light hearted moments 'Billy Mac' was a reoccurring character, even occasionally appearing in their love making, singing sultry lyrics in her ear while his hands made her see stars.

She turned to the stage and sure enough, there was her Billy, with that ridiculous old battered brown fedora on his head. The staff caught on quickly and soon there was a ruckus of cheering and cat calls from their corner of the bar.

He situated himself on the stool and smiled at the group before scanning the bar. She could tell when he found her because his face lit up. It was obvious to the rest of the staff too because the whistles started again.

Next to her, Sloan was just repeating "Oh my God. Oh my God, Kenz. Oh my God; that's Will."

Mac ignored her and instead flashed Will her most brilliant smile and made a show of turning in her seat so he knew he had her full attention.

He leaned into the mic, "Hi everybody. I hope you don't mind I just felt like playing a little today."

There was more applause as a few more people in the bar recognized him. "Thank you. I've only got a couple of songs I'm feeling like singing today so we'll be sure to get you back to the karaoke soon enough.

He then leaned back and started picking at the strings and Mac found herself completely hypnotized by the movement of his fingers.

_"You were there when I was fallin'_

_You were there when I fell in love_

_You were there when I was thinkin' through_

_All those things I was thinkin' of_

_You were always right beside me, never out of sight_

_You turned my never evers into maybe I just might…_

_…When I'm left all by my lonesome, you know just how I feel_

_When I'm down you come around my corner on two wheels_

_Every time I tell the truth you catch me in a lie_

_Every time I try to run you just won't let me hide._

_You're the sunrise in my mornin'_

_You're the warm wind through the night_

_You dance me through the darkness and you lead me to the light._

_You answer all my questions and you finish what I start_

_And when I'm at a loss for words you find them in my heart_

_We both know I'm less without you_

_We both know it's plain to see_

_I ain't holdin you my friend, it's you that's holdin me…"_

As the melody faded away the room erupted in earnest applause. Mac blinked rapidly in a desperate effort to hold back the tears, and trying to ignore the awed looks that some of the staff were shooting between her and Will.

He was smiling so genuinely in her direction that she would have run to him if it wasn't for Sloan's death grip on her arm and continued "Wow. Wow. Just…Wow."

Seeming to understand he smirked knowingly and ducked his head, clearing his throat before he spoke again,

"Thank you. This next song is one everyone should recognize now but it's relatively new for me to play. I was only inspired to learn to play it a little while ago and this is the first time I'll be playing it in front of people so please excuse any missteps…"

As the cheers died down he started to play again and out of the instrument came an acoustic version of Willie Nelson's arrangement of "You Were Always On My Mind"

_Maybe I didn't love you_  
_Quite as often as I could have_  
_And maybe I didn't treat you_  
_Quite as good as I should have_  
_If I made you feel second best_  
_Girl I'm sorry I was blind_

_You were always on my mind_  
_You were always on my mind_

Mac thought back to that night early last fall when she and Will sat at the bar here and when this song had come on he had shushed their conversation, favoring instead to hold a long and silent moment between them as the lyrics passed through.

_And maybe I didn't hold you_  
_All those lonely, lonely times_  
_And I guess I never told you_  
_I'm so happy that you're mine_  
_Little things I should have said and done_  
_I just never took the time_

_But you were always on my mind_  
_You were always on my mind_

At the time she had indulged herself imagining that he was hearing the lyrics they way she had, as their story and their way of telling each other something neither was able to articulate on their own.

_Tell me_  
_tell me that your sweet love hasn't died_  
_And give me_  
_Give me one more chance_  
_To keep you satisfied_  
_I'll keep you satisfied_

Back then she told herself the moment had been a sweet little day dream, one of those memories she could tuck in her pocket and remember the next time she was lonely or infuriated but she didn't ever truly believe he had been as invested in the moment as she was. And certainly not enough that he would be driven to learn how to play it himself.

_Little things I should have said and done_  
_I just never took the time_

_But you were always on my mind_

_You were always on my mind_  
_You were always on my mind_

But now, it was him singing. And he was looking at her, the same way he did that night.

She could swear she felt her heart expanding so much so that it was going to quite literally burst from her chest.

The bar was clapping and the News Night staff was hollering. Will thanked the crowd and descended the stage, heading to the staff. He sent a smile over to Mac and Sloan but stopped at the rowdy group first.

"Here you go Jim, thanks for letting me borrow it." Will handed the instrument over to Jim.

"Sure thing man any time. You were great." Jim smiled tucking it safely beside him.

"That was fantastic!" A slightly inebriated Neal was standing up. "That was really great!"

"Well, thank you." Will smiled in humble appreciation, "Just need to play sometimes, right?"

"Uh-huh…." Tess commented, casting a knowing grin over to Mac.

Will blushed and smirked, offering a small shrug.

Gary nodded, "I was going to offer to buy you a drink but I feel like you're just standing here to be polite and I wouldn't want to keep you from where you really ought to be."

Will grinned, "Just being polite? Oh how well you know me." Everyone chuckled. "Tell you what? I appreciate the offer, but the next round is on me, okay? Just tell Judy."

Everyone shouted their thanks and Will moved past with a parting wave, catching a solemn, approving nod from Jim. Will paused long enough to return the gesture before making his was to the lady's table.

Mac was ready for him to settle on the bench next to her and had been prepared to twist in her seat and greet him with a long kiss of which she couldn't imagine the ending.

She was disappointed when offered a small tip of his hat, "Evening ladies." And settled himself in a backwards chair on the other side of the table.

Mac said the first thing that came to her head, "I think you gave Willie Nelson a run for his money with that performance right there, Mr. Billy Mac." She smirked fondly over at him.

He shrugged and pierced her with a knowing gaze, "Mr. Nelson didn't have the inspiration I do."

Sloan raised her hands in the air, "That's it! There it is. Kenz I don't care about any other crap we talked about yesterday; if you don't go home with him tonight, I will."

Will glanced at the economist, amused, "Do I get a say in this?"

Sloan shook her head, "Shut it McAvoy. You have already said more than enough. God, Mac has always said that you're charming but you really know how to lay it on and quite frankly if Kenzie can't figure it out from here may be she just isn't smart enough for you."

Will smirked and turned his attention to Mac, "What do you think Mac? Sloan is questioning your intelligence; you going to let her get away with that?"

Having regained some of her equilibrium Mac was able to put a playful smile on her face and lean forward on the table. "I don't know. After all, Sloan is just seeing slick Billy Mac for the first time. She doesn't how much trouble he can be like I do."

Under the table Mac's foot found Will's leg and slowly began to move up and down.

Will smiled and leaned forward to match her position, "Nobody but you. Nobody but you."

Sloan shook her head, "This is too much for me. I have got to go get another drink and then maybe get Jim to play next." She stood and watched as neither Will not Mac moved to break eye contact.

Before she stepped away from the table she bent over, "Mac, seriously. I think you shouldn't worry about any of those concerns you've had. Please, have a good night you two, see you on Monday."

Will smirked, without breaking eye contact. Once Sloan walked away he leaned his head on his hand, "That Sloan has some pretty good thinking."

"Oh really?" played Mackenzie.

"Yup." Will nodded. "You want to know what I figure?"

Mac leaned back, an affectionate smile on her lips, "What's that? What do you figure?"

Will squinted as if he were deep in thought for a moment, "Well, see, this thing here, " He gestured between the two of them, "Is inevitable."

"It is?" She challenged.

"It is. I'm persistent." He affirmed.

"And persuasive." Mackenzie coyly reminded him.

He smiled, "Yes, and persuasive. Shush now, don't interrupt while I'm trying to persuade you."

She smiled and crossed her arms, "Oh, okay."

He grumbled, "Anyway…_this_ is inevitable. So at one point in the future you're going to be looking back at tonight and regretting the time you're wasting right now. I want to save you from that regret."

She smirked, "Really? How am I wasting time right now? The way I see it I'm out having a lovely evening with some friends."

He shrugged, "And that's fine. But if you were to just put down your objections we could be anywhere. It's a Friday, we have nowhere we need to be until 11am on Monday, we have resources and live in the center of the world. We could be on our way to France or Rome or London" he emphasized her parents' home town knowingly, "Or Toronto or Hawaii or Jamaica…"

She cut him off, "Toronto?"

He shrugged, "Why not? It's a great city."

She smiled, "I've never been."

"See!" He gesticulated broadly as if she had proven his point, "If we were together we could be on our way to Toronto right now. And then we could spend two days wandering around and exploring the city and add to your life's adventures."

She smiled a little sadly at that, "I think I've had enough of life's adventure's Will."

He shook his head, "Don't say that, Mac. Maybe you're tired of traveling but you don't need to leave home to have an adventure."

She tilted her head quizzically at him.

He explained, "Take our show for example. News Night 2.0 or whatever it is now, is a grand adventure into journalism and patriotism and idealism in a modern cynical society… and you're the navigator, setting the course."

She smiled and he reached across the table, finding her hands, "Love is one of life's great adventure's Kenz. Full of treacherous passes and valleys but so full of exhilaration and beauty that it makes all the scary moments worth it because you're doing something amazing."

His voice went low and serious, "Life is its own adventure, and just like traveling to somewhere new, it's always better when there's someone to share it with. A while ago, when you were dating the jerkface…"

Mac squinted, she had only dated one person since coming back, "Wade?"

Will nodded, "Yeah, idiothead."

Mac let out a small chuckle.

"Anyway, around that time you told me, rather emphatically, that you wanted a partner. Mac, don't you get it? _I'm your partner_. And your mine. It's always been that way and it's always going to be that way. Nothing else even makes sense. We look out for each other, we make each other better, we love each other. We're partners Kenz; there's nothing more real than that."

She didn't say anything for a long time, instead squeezed his fingers in her own.

She wet her lip and took a deep breath, "You know where I want to go this weekend?"

His blue eyes sparked and he smiled, "Anywhere. You name it."

She smiled fondly at his excitement, "Sunday morning. I want to be sitting the couch, reading the paper, and eating an egg sandwich."

He tried not to let the disappointment show at her less than grand pronouncement but his shoulder dropped and confusion passed across his face.

She squeezed his hand again and smiled at him, "You didn't let me finish. I want to be doing that all dressed in one of your t-shirts because in _my_ weekend fantasy I don't imagine having the time, nor the inclination to stop by my place for something as unnecessary as clothes."

Will's face lit up as Mac pushed herself up and leaned over the table, brushing her lips against his. She pulled back a fraction of a space, "Take me home Billy."


End file.
